I have always dread going to visit the sick or going to a wake or a funeral. Isn't suffering and death a part of this life after all, thus we cannot escape from them?
I cannot help myself from crying and experiencing sadness watching other's loss, grief and agony - particularly if they are amongst closed friends or family members.
I have not been in the mood to blog. I could not with a clear conscience write about anything happy or cheerful, when I know my family is going through a difficult time back home..
You might ask, who she is? Is she a closed friend for me to feel this way?
The answer to that is YES she is a friend, a fairy godmother and who is also my beloved grandmother, passed away on Sunday 17th April 2011 (13 Jamadilawal 1432) at 6.00am and was bedridden for the last two and a half years.
She was a very closed friend indeed.
She has changed so much, very thin,skeletal, very weak and quiet.
But still I was relieved……..
……because I saw in her a very strong woman who would not give up and would not let go without a fight, a fierce, vicious fight. Even I myself had to fight to put on a happy and 'normal 'face while talking to her.
And all that time she spoke calmly, and it was easy for her to smile.
But still, I could not help from crying when we said our goodbyes before I left for Na Thrang a month ago. Her eyes had welled but she did not succumb to tears and I said to her what my thoughts were exactly at the time, " I will see you for Hari Raya Opah..." I hugged and kissed her cheeks. How brave and strong she was.
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My mom had sent me a text - a simple and short one on Sunday morning;
"She's gone..."
And those words drove me to tears even when I knew she is in a better place for surely, Allah knows best.
I remembered my grandpa too….(flashback 2001)
It was on the day that he was scheduled for a by-pass operation, which was on the same day I was scheduled to fly off to Sydney for further studies. It was last minute to change my flight date and I had asked grandpa if he wanted me to stay I would insist my sponsors to postpone the date of my departure to Australia.
He had said, "Tak apa lah.(its ok) If anything happens..I go my way, and you go your way..." and he smiled, his usual calm smile.
And I hugged him and kissed his cheeks - which I don't remember ever doing. And I'm glad I did and when he passed away a few months later and I could not kiss his cold forehead just before his burial, at least I did kiss him while he was alive and smiling. His arms had come around to hug me and pat my back to comfort me and he said.... everything would be fine.
Yes. That was nearly ten years ago.
I have not been in the mood to blog. I could not with a clear conscience write about anything happy or cheerful, when I know my family is going through a difficult time back home..
You might ask, who she is? Is she a closed friend for me to feel this way?
The answer to that is YES she is a friend, a fairy godmother and who is also my beloved grandmother, passed away on Sunday 17th April 2011 (13 Jamadilawal 1432) at 6.00am and was bedridden for the last two and a half years.
She was a very closed friend indeed.
She has changed so much, very thin,skeletal, very weak and quiet.
But still I was relieved……..
……because I saw in her a very strong woman who would not give up and would not let go without a fight, a fierce, vicious fight. Even I myself had to fight to put on a happy and 'normal 'face while talking to her.
And all that time she spoke calmly, and it was easy for her to smile.
But still, I could not help from crying when we said our goodbyes before I left for Na Thrang a month ago. Her eyes had welled but she did not succumb to tears and I said to her what my thoughts were exactly at the time, " I will see you for Hari Raya Opah..." I hugged and kissed her cheeks. How brave and strong she was.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
My mom had sent me a text - a simple and short one on Sunday morning;
"She's gone..."
And those words drove me to tears even when I knew she is in a better place for surely, Allah knows best.
I remembered my grandpa too….(flashback 2001)
It was on the day that he was scheduled for a by-pass operation, which was on the same day I was scheduled to fly off to Sydney for further studies. It was last minute to change my flight date and I had asked grandpa if he wanted me to stay I would insist my sponsors to postpone the date of my departure to Australia.
He had said, "Tak apa lah.(its ok) If anything happens..I go my way, and you go your way..." and he smiled, his usual calm smile.
And I hugged him and kissed his cheeks - which I don't remember ever doing. And I'm glad I did and when he passed away a few months later and I could not kiss his cold forehead just before his burial, at least I did kiss him while he was alive and smiling. His arms had come around to hug me and pat my back to comfort me and he said.... everything would be fine.
Yes. That was nearly ten years ago.
And yesterday granny left me when I was away too.
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