2013 is leaving....

It is now nearing mid December as 2014 is drawing closer, I realize I have not only grown up a year older but also significantly becoming a lot wiser. I have come to realize it's not going to matter how many breaths we took, but to value those moments that took our breath away and when life gives you a thousand reasons to cry, yet we have a million reasons to smile.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

In all the delusion about staying young at heart, don’t mean that you have to forgo maturity entirely. And as much as you’d like to go back to your younger years when things were so much less complicated, you’d have to face the fact that life is so much better with the complications tagging along with you.

It took me an hour to walk down memory lane a few days ago back to the house that look so magnanimous to me and the same street that look so long and winding once upon a time ago.

Scrutinizing the same house now, it looks tinier than before and only took me a few strides from the porch to reach the backyard... The street on which I used to walk on to sneak to my then best friend’s house at the other side of the road looks so short and less winding. 

In fact, the incidence of sneaking out crossing the same road became reason for mom to palpitate each time she discovered I crossed it alone. (I got several slashes of the cane and a few days detention).  Now it makes my mom look like she was making a big deal out of nothing!

Yeah…..those were the days and I have cross such a long way to see bigger, better things.

As much as I hate to see 2013 go, I really can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for me.  

I miss that young carefree spirit.

There was a time when I feel it is all right to share everything about me with someone but unfortunately it backfired. Finally I guess it is not okay to share everything, but it was interesting to observe the uneventful outcome of what I did back then.

When I first started a blog, I never really thought of sharing anything with anyone, let alone everyone and that answers why I remain an anonymous.  

But the prospect of having others read you was a real thrill but finally when someone got to read your aura and knowing your true essence, it is now a thriller.

People can be so insanely psychotic and judgmental even if they don't really know you at all.

Which is why I stopped being so honest about certain matters and the reason why I should start to write things which are inspiring in contents.

My life is not a drama but it’s not perfect all the time either.

And most of the time, I wish I were more open, like I used to be.

Because in real, anyone who met me in person will know who I really am…

I really miss that young carefree spirit I once had.

Abang?????......Ewwww

If we ever have our meals out together (diiner /lunch), it normally lasts for an hour, the most. And in within that special one hour we are like the best of friends, after so many weeks of hard work and seriousness. 

At dinner, last night was no different. He was remarking over how wonderful it was for him to have found a much cheaper alternative to his favorite drink, the caramel machiatto from Star****s. 

Me: "Does this taste exactly like your favourite caramel machiatto when chilled,?"

Him: "Yeap. Pandai tak abang?"

 (Am I (abang) not smart?)

                                                                                                       

Tersembur icecream!!!

(the icecream that was melting in my mouth spurred out of a sudden)

Both of us: Bahahahaha nananana

Me: "Awak nak saya panggil awak Abang???"

(You want me to call you abang?)

Him: "EWWWWWWWW, nooo hohohoho"

No offence please to all the wives out there, who calls their husbands “Abang”

I just can’t…                                          

CAN’T call him ‘Abang’.

Been friends for waayyy too long, I guess. 

So I guess we're good, eh Zoul?

(He doesn’t know I have a blog…..)

Aku yg gigit cili...

Have you ever been accused as the one who simply come and go in and out someone's life as you pleased?

Have you ever been accused of trampling on his life so many times as you please? But being him, he would respond ever so nicely despite the fact that he was upset, dissatisfied and utterly disappointed?

Have you ever been the ‘bad’ in that similar spot before?

If you have been the ’bad’ in that spot before, tell me what to do... please?

I think he is not the revengeful, remorseful, hating kind of person and does not hold grudges against another...

I may be moody (where I have fluctuating mood swings, which are totally and completely incomprehensible) admittedly, and had been to the point of being totally and completely rude or dismissive of people but I am never ungrateful.

So, it does not seem silly that he is angered, annoyed and upset with the fact that I acted like he is a mat I can trample on as and when I please.

I disappeared almost completely out of his life after all that has happened and then to come back strolling into his life at my own pleasure. Absurd isn’t it? 

 

Aku yg gigit cili, aku yg terasa pedasnya.

I just need to make a statement.

I will understand if you shut me out completely... 

Of tears and raindrops....

The weather of late has been pretty bleak and rain pours every day of the week and when the sun peeks, we normally don’t get our hopes too high because we know for sure that it wouldn’t be long before the rain starts pouring heavily again.

The holidays will come to an end, not too soon yet but the children seem to have lost patient waiting for the weather to be good. Honestly, I don’t really mind not going to Pangkor Laut, we could go to Batu Feringghi instead or Langkawi. Well.....its 3:1 vote so Pangkor Laut here we come....

Everyday has pretty much been the same; late nights and late mornings, meeting and hanging out with friends, cooking lunch and for dinner I’m applying CIY policy (cook it yourself...hehehehe) It’s been pretty much a routine, actually, every single day since I am back here.

(Four days but sounded like we are already here months)

Truthfully, nothing productive or fruitful has been done to fill in the time. Just hours and hours of sleep, binge and more sleep. I’ve also made several attempts of writing two or three more chapters of  "A fighter to the end" but to no avail and there are  just about thousands of issues on which I have my 2 cents to contribute. Dear me!

After all, change is inevitable, agree?  Is there even a necessity to feel so ashamed for tears that come so naturally? I mean, wouldn’t you cry if you seen how well and fine is Kriss doing right now even when his mom is gone?

It’s just my tears and raindrops...

My heart smiles at such good luck, Alhamdulillah. Truly, Allah is fair. He will not give you hardship or obstacles you cannot handle. He puts you through hardship so that when all the rain and storm is gone, you’d appreciate the rainbow see is even more beautiful.

 Allah is kind. He shall never leave you even if you forget Him at times. In fact, He forgives when you ask for forgiveness.

And I am truly thankful for the blessed life Kriss has now, and for all the good luck that has come tumbling, after all the hardship his daddy had to go through.

But my heart cries; though just a little bit, it cries for her.

Rest in peace my lovely friend.
Al-fatihah.

A craving mom..;)

I am back in my hometown.

The journey was good, despite some minor air pockets and turbulence..

I was thrown from my seat a few time, not that I bounced from my seat high up and landed flat on the floor but my butt did lift a few mm from the seat….hehehehe

When I fly alone and there was such turbulence I would sometime picture myself as falling from thousands feet high. I closed my eyes…pray

And then I die. Alone

But things were different when I was flying with Zoul. When there were turbulences I felt less scared since my tension was somewhat released when I squeezed his hand, at least he was there with me and I wont die alone if we fell….

I have dabai daily since a month ago.  B$5 /plastic container (800gm? Or less?) but since I love it so much Zoul would go to all length to get them for me. Hmmmm….so far so good….supply is over demand. Thanks daddy!!

It’s been three days since I had the last dabai and now there is none left for me to savour.

What is dabai? Some of you might ask..

Dabai is a seasonal fruit that could be found in Borneo. You can tell fresh dabai from the colour of the tip where the stalk was (upright end) it’s yellowish, if fresh but it’s white if not so fresh although still edible.

 The locals scrape the skin before consuming but I eat without scrapping them. Dabai has to be soaked first in warm water (not hot water) until they get tender before consuming.. Zoul will do it for me since my judgment was never precise and I would end up eating not tender enough dabai.  I like dipping them in soy sauce which gives the ‘lemak masin’ taste but Zoul doesn’t like it. Alhamdulillah….I always had more than I bargain for. Thanks daddy!

I told Zoul that maybe we should plant the seeds here so we can have endless supply of dabai but then Zoul said my craving for dabai will soon be over. No need to go to such length.

Well, I don’t think so.  

Oh, I cannot wait to go back to Brunei where gloriousssss dabai awaits!