Why didn't you find my body?

Me: Until today, the apartment is still empty.... 

Zoul: People don’t want to stay there but for sure I will choose that apartment.......

Me: What if she comes back..

Zoul: Talk and befriend her but if she ask.. “WHY DIDN’T YOU FIND MY BODYYY?”…..

Scarrryyyy....and suddenly I was speechless for a second.  
We were at home together. It was 9pm after dinner break for Zoul  and soon he would be leaving for work again to leave me on my own …..alone. My hand started cupping my mouth swiftly….and what if she over heard us, float our balcony…white and decaying, awful and unsightly....

I like to watch/listen to ghost stories but this one is real…..

She lived in a different block and like any other Malaysian working here in the same company with Zoul, she choose to live alone.

One day, she didn’t turned up for work. Her colleagues were wondering what was hhapening to her since she didn’t inform admin or sent any messages to anyone. The office thought maybe she has to attend something urgently.

On the second day, they started to wonder more of her where about when she did not reply messages sent to her nor pick up any phone calls but  the people from the office still did nothing.

On the third day, someone from the same block smelled something rotten from her apartment, they alerted the authorities who contacted the office. The office people had to break into the house and found the woman dead, decaying.

She died, alone from a heart attack.

Until today, the apartment is still empty

But last night Zoul realised what I was thinking and he never looked more amused.  Before he left, he stopped at the door, turned his head and said. “Don’t be scared sayang, I already close the balcony door for you”

With a gleeful naughty look on his face, he was gone.

EErrkk….

Happy Anniversary Leodi.

My marriage turns one at the strike of midnite…  

The initial plan was to have the anniversary dinner at The Empire but it was fully booked. I was quite upset since we love food served at Pantai Restaurant.

We went to Deals Restaurant, Radisson instead– for oyster (Zoul loves oyster). He went online to look for every place with oyster available. I on the other hand just wanted to have nasi katok with vege. But there was none..

(Nasi Katok is rice with a hot spicy gravy called sambal, a piece of fried crispy chicken wrapped in a special paper wrapper. It costs around one Brunei Dollar for a small packet sold in scattered food stalls in Bandar SB. It is Brunei signature street food every visitors/tourist should try).

The place was dimmed and it feels private. I wish it would be a lil brighter. We were starving the moment the buns and butter were served. The service was fast. I was still munching a bun when the oysters were ready.

Zoul ordered half a dozen of raw and another half dozen of grilled oysters with herbs and shallots. Zoul said all of the oysters were good and fresh with no fish taste. Most probably the oyster were still alive when they were about to be served.

I felt horrible…..

That’s for appetisers.

Next..

Spaghetti with clam, pan fried fish, lemon and roasted garlic for Zoul and spaghetti with salad and mixed fried vege for me. I could see there were Japanese mushroom and pagoda flower in my mixed vege.

I enjoyed my meal but Zoul was not happy with my food intake since the last time we went for dinner I crave for the oysters but not this time. (Kesian dia terpaksa layan his cerewet and mengada2 pregnant wife…..)  

Desert…..
Mine… warm apple crumble with custard sauce, served with sorbet ice cream.
Zoul thought the apple crumble looks funny….so I finish it off, none was left on the plate. And the sorbet was great, nothing like I had before.

 All thanks to Zoul who did his best, for me.

(Zoul left for Miri immediately after dinner….on standby)

Happy Anniversary dear Zoul…

Allah loves you more

13^th Feb - check in sifu’s facebook, written by his luvly wife.

Selepas 23 hari di putra medical centre dgn 20 hari di icu hari ini Syed Alfandi Syed Mansor balik ke rumah.welcome home dear.

*That answered my curiosity of what happened, since it was like I have not seen his updates on facebook for a long long time.

19^th February at 11.11pm-abang Mahdi Mansur wrote on his wall 23 hour ago.

Ptg td dikejutkan dgn berita yang sangat mengejutkan; iaitu kepulangan kerahmatullah seorang sahabat yg dikenali puluhan tahun sejak dari mrsm kulim.. Syed Alfandi seorang sahabat yg baik, tidak pnh mrh, pemurah dan penyabar.. Kehilangannya amat dirasakn, semoga rohnya ditempatkn bersama dgn golongan org2 yg beriman.. Alfatihah

*My first reaction was…..oh God my sifu is gone.

Innalillahiwo inna illaihi roji'un .. Al-Fatihah.

19^th February at 11.21 – check in sifu’s facebook, wrote his luvly wife..

Saya ingin rakamkan tkasih diatas semua perutusan takziah dan doa utk arwah suami dan keluarga. Sesungguhnya kami sekeluarga redha dgn pemergian arwah Syed Alfandi Syed Mansor 47 tahun yg meninggal disebabkan pneumonia.(radang paru-paru) arwah berada 23 hari di wad icu pmc alor setar kerana rawatan meningitis. Hari ke 24 (khamis) arwah balik ke rumah tetapi pada pagi isnin masuk semula apabila demam panas. Pada 1.50pm selasa 18hb februari arwah menghembuakan nafas terakhir dihadapan saya dan anak sulung kami syed afiq (18 tahun) pada 6pm arwah selamat disemadikan di tanah perkuburan albukhari.saya berterimakasih kpd semua yg membantu menguruskan dgn sempurna.

*Salam takziah Dato’ Suraya Yaacob dan adik Syed Afiq semuga tabah menghadapi ujian Allah.

On the nst online

18 February 2014| last updated at 04:05PM

Kedah state exco Datuk Suraya Yaacob's husband dies

By Zahratulhayat Mat Arif | news@nst.com.my 

ALOR STAR: Kedah state executive councillor Datuk Suraya Yaacob's husband Syed Alfandi Syed Mansor Barakbah, has passed away.

Syed Alfandi, 47, died of meningitis at the Putra Medical Centre here about 1.50pm today.
‎
He is expected to be laid to rest will at Al-Bukhary Muslim Cemetery here after Asar prayers today.

Read more: Kedah state exco Datuk Suraya Yaacob's husband dies - Health - New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/life-times/health/kedah-state-exco-datuk-suraya-yaacob-s-husband-dies-1.487130#ixzz2tmXwEHzF

*I have never met bro Syed in person but the brotherly warmth and kindness overflows . We only knew each other on facebook. He thought I would be good to start a blog and I did and the page of my blog was officially done by him. It remains as it is till today. My firt update was posted on the 19^th February 2011. By 12.00 am, thedancingmermaidprincess.blogspot.com will be celebrating her 3^rd birthday. He has been a sifu to me since then and all his comments are free but the facts related were sacred. The concept and promoting of tdmp were guided by him.

It was as if he gave me a little nudge from behind the day I first started and he lets me jump the sky and then leads me to the doorway of my own mind.

Thank you sifu.

Allah loves you more.

Alfatihah.

You will always be remembered..

I couldn't sleep. Zoul is away, as usual.  I checked FB. 

I read the news of another friend passing due to cancer. It is heartbreaking to lose him so suddenly. He was 29, a bachelor boy. I would loathe it if one day my memory of him would fade. So if it ever did, this blog post would remain.

We were from the same batch in university, He was the youngest. We are the children of the 84. He was a child of  the 85 and that makes him our adik manja.

We were not great friends but among the many friends I made in uni, he was one of the few who made the effort to keep in touch. I wish I had remembered to invite him for the doa selamat we had in Ganu December last year. I wish I had made the move to meet up with him each time he called to meet me. It was more of a one sided effort since I was busy with work (the only excuse I had) But that is all that left now, empty wishes and regrets.

But for its worth, he was a good friend. He consistently  went out of his way to ask how I was doing. He was a good late night conversationalist when I need to keep awake and he need to be awake during our final exam and he had touched many lives wherever he was. To lose him, is heartbreaking to many of us.

We know that you are in a better place and Allah loves you more. 

Al-Fatihah. 

You'll be remembered in my prayers. Always.

The memories

I was reminded of how great things were between us.

And momentarily, I was flown back to four years ago when you taught me how to say"yes" instead of   "okay" to the question: “will you be my wife?”

It were for moments like that we continue to love and have faith in a relationship many think is ridiculous.

Thanks for the memories. 

( I would't be surprised if at thus point of time when I wrote this, I ended up in tears)

Why do people love to rain on other people’s parade?. 

Isn't it good that I am healthy? I am not causing problems and I am not a nuisance to anyone?

Please just be happy and say “Alhamdulillah”. 

I watch what I eat. I curb my sweet tooth cravings. It seems like the more sweets and deserts I had I will crave for more. I am balancing it out at the same time. I drink plenty of water. Dabai was my favorite.

Do you think I don't work on being healthy and maintaining a healthy and proportionate weight gain?

And you think I was just lucky.

   

It’s a conscious effort….. 

Each pregnancy is different. I had twice unsuccessful pregnancies, they were before and after I have Billi. The first was in my second trimester and the second loss (after Billi) was during my first trimester.  This time round, I lost one of the twins in my primary second trimester.

All three pregnancies prior this one, I suffered severe Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperemesis_gravidarum.)

This time round, I just happen to be able to control most things after the first trimester and did not expect I am going to lose one of them.

(Dia adalah anak dari darah daging jiwa ragaku bagaimana nakku pujuk diri supaya berasa ‘tak apa’ hanya kerana aku masih lagi ada kembar si dia, aku berhak untuk berasa ‘apa-apa’. Setiap saat aku telah cuba melindungi kedua-duanya dalam kandungan. Tak mungkin aku mampu berasa ‘tak apa’.

Ada yang berkata “anak aku cukup 9 bulan meninggal, ketika kelahirannya ke dunia tapi kau baru 21 minggu. Ok. Tak pe”.

It’s either you are being insensitive or you think that I don’t deserve to be sad. Jadi kalau aku keguguran kali ini ketika kandungan berusia 21 minggu maka aku harus karaoke pada hari esoknyanya. How short a time si dia duduk dalam rahim, may not matter for the feeling of loss.

Dari saat disahkan mengandung, perasaan kasih sayang dan bonding itu sudah bermula, apatah lagi kalau aku dah  rasa tendangan halus dari kaki kecil si dia, malah Zoul, Billi dan Sarah pun boleh saksikan sendiri pergerakan pada perut aku akibat kick boxingnya 2-3 hari sebelum……

Terima kasih atas ulasan itu Cik kak kerana tidak mahu lihat aku bersedih ketika itu namun, sejujurnya ulasan itu telah buat aku bertambah sedih- *sedutan apa yang telahku tulis selepas tigahari kehilangannya. Tak sanggup aku teruskan…..*)

I am just taking advantage of my own good circumstances now. It’s not so much about the luck, but a lot about the good luck I attract onto myself. 

Alhamdulillah…..Syukur.

Hujan yang turun bagaikan mutiara
Berkilau bersinar berkerdipan
Subur menghijau bumi terbentang
Dan bayu berpuput lembut

Cinta yang bersemi
Diwaktu hujan turun
Menyirami ketandusan hati
Dan hujan turut mengiringi
Engkau pergi...

Selembut hujan bercurahan
Begitulah cinta ini
Semesra bumi yang disirami
Begitulah hati ini

Hujan yang turun bersama air mata
Bersama pedih, bersama rindu
Kau datang dan kau pergi jua
Rindu lagi...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JdT7oKKcWU

But....

We are moving to Kuala Belait still in Brunei next month. It’s 260km from KK and under average condition flying times between two cities is 0hr 28min.

Me: That is a place where all hope and brain cells will slowly die because there will be nothing much to do.

I do not want to move there. I love it here. I have started my pregnancy exercise classes and exercising the right way during this second trimester can be important in keeping up my energy level and helping me to sleep well at night. I have become a nocturnal mammal lately plus the increasing overheating feeling is like killing me slowly.

The exercise is helping me mental and physical to cope with labor and as a calorie burning scheme so as to control my weight gain.

Furthermore everything I need is just a few walk away

Zoul: Everything will be fine. We can still keep our Bandar apartment and commute from Belait to Bandar frequently.

Me: Erkkk

( We have a complete kitchen set  and now we have to start all over again for the second house)

Zoul: Sayang, you could go to Miri everyday which is about 10-15 mins drive from Belait.

Me: Everyday? I mean the toll per day would cost me around RM40 to and fro.

(Unless, suddenly Zoul said he is in the next in line for the Brunei throne) 

Hahahahahah……

Eh, banyak songeh pulak aku ni!

But…..

Overheated

I have tried my best not to fall asleep before bedtime. But recently, I just gave in, enjoyed the short period doze and spiritless I stayed awake after that, filling most of the time readings while awaiting subuh.  

A logical explanation why I am wide awake right now!

A short naps or a good tight sleep were never an issue before. I can pretty much sleep whenever, wherever I want.

But of late, it has become increasingly difficult because I am constantly feeling overheated. All I want to do is be au naturel, burn all those blankets, which don’t comfort me that much anymore. Would that lead to runny nose or fever? Eventually I try my best to sleep with my clothes, blanket and air conditioning system on, while I toss and turn for the perfect position but this usually ends up with me sitting upright in front of my laptop and by the time dawn breaks I am already exhausted beyond repair!

Feeling warmer or overheated like the one I am enduring now, it is due to the hormonal changes and an increase in blood supply to the skin, likely sweating more than usual too .Nowadays, I wear loose cotton clothing and keep my room cool all the time (either by the air conditioning system or an electrical fan). I bath and wash more frequent to help me feel fresh. Drink plenty of water to prevent dehydration

During pregnancy, the amount of blood in the body increases by as much as 50 percent. The blood vessel will dilate, allowing the blood to come of the surface causing the overheated feeling. Blood volume and internal thermostat will return to normal after delivery.

I am aware by the third trimester (the last leg of my pregnancy) the metabolic rate will increase and will add more to the existing overheating feeling.

Lost

 

I have been sitting by the sea since 3 am, trying to regain the lost feeling known as peace. Not to say that I am constantly not at peace, but the sea has always been very important to me.It’s a place where I have both found peace and adventure. Unfortunately, since resigning from work to focus my attention more on expanding the family, I was relatively cut off from ‘ocean life’ and constant contact of the sea gradually is disappearing from my daily life.

It’s been wonderful to find peace of mind and tranquility just by sitting near the ocean again…the type of peace that I am referring now is that of zen nature (but I am not becoming a Buddhist) I was still in high school when I read about memory management and focus. It had always been easy then to simply just close my eyes and slip into my center and all is well.

But over the years with few tragic incidence that passed my life I am often alluded to the past and for the last few months with its increased intensity makes it harder and harder to just let go. The attachments have a strong foothold in my subconscious mind and it is sad that I don't know how to break them. 

The truth, I do know how, but I can't seem to get it working. 
It's as if my mind is fighting for control over itself. 
So I decided to take a break from everything.

I have been by the beach for the last two days alone. Zoul is supportive of this which made it easier for me to move,

Is it working?
I am not sure yet. 
But gradually I am seeing myself being more relax. 
The ocean has always had a calming effect on me. 
In another day I am going back home and review what I have accomplished. 
Until then I will just keep listening to the soothing sounds of the waves.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDxWyLlo0w0