The Evil Stepmother From Cinder

I have a stepdaughter. She is smart, hardworking and beautiful…..half Spanish and a good swimmer too. We joke about me being the evil stepmother. In fact, the joke is that I am the Evil Stepmother from Cinder. Actually, Sarah and I do pretty good together. But the truth is that all stepmothers are evil. It is the nature of the relationship. It is, as far as I can tell, an unavoidable fact of step relationship.

I pack her lunches, go over her homework with her and tell her to eat her veges the same way I treated Billy my son, or I'm neglecting her. After all, Sarah needs someone to take her homework seriously. She needs to be told to get her shoes on when it's time for school.  

But she already has her mom, and I'm not her mom, and no matter how deserving or undeserving she is or I am, I never will be biological mom. She knows it, I know it. Sarah was excited when her dad marry me. When I came over I was company, it was fun so is for Billy. But real life was her mom with her dad. Marriage stopped that and to some similar situation children will think that is an evil act..

What's worse for the child is that they have already lost most of one parent. Now someone else is laying claim on the remaining parent. But when I marry her dad her mom has passed on to cancer.

 I'm a book person and bought books about being a stepmother.  
Becoming a stepmother redefined who I am, and nothing I did could resist that inexorable redefining. I suppose motherhood redefines who you are.

My relationship with Sarah is good, so much better than the relationships described in all those books. She is happier, healthier, more behaved child than she was before. People complimented me on what a fine job I had done.

One day Sarah said angrily that I treated Billy better than I treated her. I hug  and I kiss her on the forehead, on the nose and I am careful about how I touch her. I suspect that the call from child protective services is the nightmare of every step parent. But after her comment I began to ruffle her hair the way I ruffle Billi’s. I rubbed her back. and occasionally gave her a treat, the way I occasionally gave Billi.

It has made all the difference. Sarah is almost twelve.  Speaking from the land of the step parent, I tell you, this business of being evil is hard the hardest thing I have ever done.

And…..

She knows that I love her with all my heart.