Does it still hurt?

I am listening to a few back years old songs now. The Indonesian songs that I have stopped/banned listening for some times. I don't hate them. Nope. I just don't listen to them anymore because most are just too painful for me. 

Why do I begin to tune in to these songs again lately? The songs that could make me feel like my heart is breaking to little pieces before?. I honestly don't know. Maybe to check if it's still painful even after I am married.

Being married does not make your past disappear. I resent the perception of being married, that you have to be a dutiful, perfect little wife with forgotten past. Or that your life is complete when you have a perfect family and you need to be unmarked in sins. 

Isn't life about improvements, finding amendments, trying to see what works and what joys bring you or how you can bring joy for the family. You do not get there at once. Excepts for some lucky people but for most, it's a journey to reach to a certain stage of piety, happiness, acceptance, forgiveness.  

I am rambling because I am listening to some past songs that I associate with my past love. 

So does the songs still hurt? Does the thudding ache still there? The feeling like you can't breathe, like you have problem trying to exhale properly?

Would you wanna know?