YOU ARE MORE THAN WONDERFUL AND I LUV U ...MOM

I have to admit that I am not being a good daughter, I have done so many mistakes for so many times - caught and uncaught, crumple and distort some of mama’s hopes and plans some of  which I had readily agreed, the rest I dispute, oppose and decline. These happened so many times but she never gave up on me. 

Honestly, I would give up on myself if I could which I did once but it was mom who picked me up and helped me to sit straight and told me never to look back again.

You see what I mean?

But early this morning I had a fight with my mom online. Never in my life I walked away from her during any argument, usually I will abide and accept whatever she said ( trust me it  can be very hurtful too)

I felt rotten after that although I keep telling myself hundred times that it was not my fault but still, I felt restless, distress and frustrated.

What if mama won’t forgive me or disown me? What will I do if she loves me no more? My tears drop…..(I wish you could see how unhappy I am mama)

She is my mama, she will forgive me. Like always.

But I just don’t seem to understand the real extant of mother’s love, mama wants me to be independent but still treat me like a child all the time.

I did asked her once in one of our arguments why must she scrutinize and guard me too much despite I was not a teenager anymore (she did that even when I was married to Billi’s daddy]

She said, “When Billi gets older you will know”

Oh, how I hate that answer because obviously that was not the explanation that I was looking for. I guess I will never understand, not until the time comes. But I do know one thing, without mama, everything is nothing.

After the argument, I didn’t have the mood to do anything. I dropped everything I wanted to do but just sit quietly staring into nothing.( Tak tau apsal, semua jadi serba tak kena)

But the moment after we made up, everything is wonderful again.

I know it takes more than a strong person to be a good mom. I mean look at me, how can someone love me unconditionally and tolerate with my mood swings except for mom and bibik…

You are more than wonderful mama and I love you so much.