The delivery journey (part one)

We decided that I have my final exercise before we meet the doctor for the final scan.We have discussed and would leave it to the result after the scan in determining the best option for the baby. As much as I want a natural birth, I know the limits and risks to it and decision will be made according to situation of the baby.

We can't say how relieved we felt after the test. At least I felt better that I trusted my gut but of course, can’t say much about what will happen during the labor process but at least for that moment alone, the fact that I was able to deliver our baby the natural way was such music to my ears and the due date was still two weeks away .

And I appreciated, everyone concerned (family) was patient and did not impose on what to be done. There are so many of them who have tonnes of experiences from the many children they had have but everyone's experience of pregnancy usually differed from each other. You could give views or to share your own experience but if you strictly try to impose this and that on the pregnant mom I think  it is annoying . At least respect her rights of her own choice. It is pressuring enough waiting for the baby to come out for the world to greet and welcome her but it would be double pressure when someone keeps tailing and consistently telling pregnant mom to do this and that instead of giving options to weigh.

 I thank god that I am blessed with a supportive husband and a pool of supportive girlfriends who stand by my choice even when they themselves have opted for a c-section and induction to bring labour earlier. In the end, it's the choice of the individual and so did I. There are no reasons to judge.

Giving birth is a natural process (the fact)...when it's due, you will get all the signs but if you do not when it is absolutely due time for delivery, then it can't be help except to involve the necessary intervention. Until then, we wait for the baby to be ready in thirty six weeks, the water bag will naturally breaks during heightened contraction and everything else will flow it's course.

In sya Allah.

Friends

I have friends whom I label as 'friends' in Facebook and some of them are privileged to view everything I put up about myself while some are unable to view my wall, my full profile or my entire photo album.

These friends are segregated to Family, Friends, Buddies and Blogger Friends. Finally there is one group I named 'uncertain' who are unable to view my wall and can only read my notes without being able to comment on them because I don't fancy their views and not bothered about letting them know how I feel, yet I am unable to delete them off my Friends list because they are either family members, relatives or a friend whom I do not want to burn the bridges with.

Does that makes me pretentious ?

Circumstances in life sometimes forces you to be that way because you need to consider someone else's feelings... in doing so, I feel some sort of insincerity and being insincere tires me to the bones..

Then, there are those whom I 'hide' on my wall. They are my friends, but I dislike reading their status because they would either create awkwardness when reading those status or that they make my blood boil with never-ending stupid/rude comments on politics and personal stuff of their partners or ex, giving out pathetic excuses to gain constant attention and grabbing anyone to join them in easy money-making quests.

I stay at home all day. I work from home and I go out to train students five hours a week. I see no one at times and facebook is a window for me to lookout the world... I get involved in many of what's happening to my friends through their status updates while I totally ignore other's updates I do not hide and I don't quite bother because I don't really care about them but I have nothing against them.

Previously, I would just delete people off my list especially those who request to be added but never bothered to even write me a message and put in any efforts to keep in touch with a simple hi/hello or how have you been or what have you been doing?. Soon, I realize many were offended by that gesture of deletion and got me into re-considering my actions since there is nothing wrong adding and keeping them in the list as I could just easily segregate them into groups allowing me more control of what they can view and what they can't, until they earn my trust.

Now, with 350 friends in my list but I don't need 350 friends. I mean, I never thought I even have 350 friends whom I can call, friends.

I am lucky enough to just name a handful of friends whom I can depend on but 350?

Swimming

I have not swam since entering my late second trimester and the  mother care maternity swimsuit that I bought for fifteen dollar (it was on seventy percent discount) has been hanging idle in in the ward rob  nearly two months. Zoul was away working. 

I don't feel safe going into the pool alone, afraid if I would slip and accidentally would fall flat on my stomach when going into or upon coming out from the pool unaided. I am very heavy now and it is difficult to enter the pool since the steps are a little high from each other. 

When I got to the first step I decided to just sit on the ledge, dip in my legs and slowly moving them backward and forward in the cold water. Then, I would swam slowly towards the deeper end aided by Zoul.

Zoul was just great playing a role like a swimming instructor teaching a little girl how to swim.  I couldn't swim the normal way as I use to because it was too tiring to swim the right way (I was huffing and puffing midway) and I felt pressured at the perineum area.

In the end, I kept holding on to Zoul's neck as he treaded his steps very slowly while my legs paddling. We did a couple of laps and when I got out of the pool, my whole body was aching but we had a good exercise.

 I am going back to the pool next week.

Alien pillows...

I am becoming more uncomfortable sleeping at night and would normally tuck a pillow under the tummy when I am sleeping on my side. Zoul would happily sacrifice one of his pillows for me. Euuwww….. 

I bought two more so he could have back his pillow but at the same time he complained that our bed has now been inhibited by alien pillows!!

When we took the ante-natal class we were advised that mommy should sleep with as many pillows as possible to support the back, tummy and legs apart from the usual pillows under the head. Zoul bought me three more pillows…really huge one that occupies more space on the bed. Sometime he would joke around saying that he is being kicked out of his own bed by alien pillows. Lol

I had a delightful surprise when Zoul got me another pillow especially design for pregnant mommy bought online. It does not cost him a bomb. The pillow is so comfy and I would say all pregnant mommies should have one.

www.babiesrus.com/NursingPillows‎

It is the Theraline maternity and nursing pillow I am writing. It is not an ordinary pillow.  It is five feet long. It could be use straight as a bolster or wrap around mommy’s curve for comfy fit. It provides support when nursing as the baby grows. Nursing could be a breeze and comfy for mommy and baby since the pillow can be wrapped around mommy’s waist and baby could rest on it comfortably.

What makes it so comfortable is the thin beads inside the inner casing, like those in the bean bags but it’s of smaller size.

A brilliant invention and I was told by one of our ante-natal course mate that her hubby would snatch this pillow for his afternoon naps in the week ends….

Sorry Zoul….not a chance! 

MH370

Sadness can sometimes lead you to a situation described as to be in lost and blank mode where the power of the mind to think through and rationalize current matters will auto switched off by itself. I was there and I had chosen not to watch the press conference last night.

Zoul broke the sad news I been dreading to hear. I listened, face down, not looking at him …still blank but deep in my heart still hoping that the flight that ended in the Indian Ocean, west of Perth is not MH370. My thought flashed back to the fate of two infants on board and I could no longer hold back my tears.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mnf9I0hADkU

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpRGzlZTEa8#action=share

I am deeply affected by what happened to Flight MH370 even after two weeks of the incident I was still clutching to faith and hope the SAR team would find them and bring them all safely home. Their loved ones would be waiting to envelope their return safely back into their warm hugs and kisses.  Everyone will then be relieved that it was just a bleak phase of sadness and pain they had to go through.

I bet, there are many other different endings which are way better then the one announced by Najib yesterday but, who are we to play God. So let us hold each other closer and pray for them even if we do not know any of the crews and passengers on board. Let our prayers be with them all…

Captain Zaharie and co pilot Fariq I am confident, you fought religiously until your very last breath. You served and did well and I am so proud of you.

I bid you all goodbye and In sya Allah the authorities will do their best to bring you home where you belong..

Al-fatihah…..

PrayFor MH370

I have been reading updates upon updates since 10am Saturday of flight MH370 from KUL to Beijing which suddenly went missing and all contacts with the aircraft with the Subang Air Traffic Control were lost since 2.40am, Saturday. Flight MH370, operated on the B777-200 aircraft departed Kuala Lumpur at 12.41am on 8^th  March 2014 and was expected to land in Beijing at 6.30am the same day. The flight was carrying 227 passenggers (with 2 infant) and 12 crew members. 

I was glued to the TV and internet the whole day for latest updates,

And until now, in my honest and rational opinion, there’s no way anyone would survive as they have gone missing for more than 24 hrs without any contact. It would be a miracle that nothing bad happens. As of now, we need to know where they are. And find whatever left ASAP...

The disappearance of Malaysia Airlines 370 recalls another state-of-the-art aircraft that went missing over open water: Air France Flight 447, which plunged into the Mid-Atlantic in 2009 and resulted in the deaths of 228 people.

Like the Malaysian jet, a Boeing 777-200, Air France's Airbus 330 was a sophisticated aircraft that was not supposed to suddenly vanish without word from the crew.

It was really similar. There was no communication and the flight suddenly went missing from the radar.

According to the news, weather was perfect, sudden loss of communication, kissing from radar, no mayday. It just disappeared….

I am not a pilot or a flight attendant but I have to fly a lot due to my work. I am amused of how the planes work. Each time I need to board a plane my curious mind never stopped wondering, the working mechanism of a huge ’bird’ of metal, filled with hundreds of people , loaded with thousands of tonnes of bags and cargo and yet could fly  hundreds/thousands of km. against gravity.

Quoting Harnzah Rain * MAS have the best service, best pilot, best aircraft but Allah have the best plan. Even the unsinkable Titanic sank #PrayForMH370.

So, when I travel , I always tell myself, this is part of my job, my contribution to my family and always pray and tawakkal that in sha Allah everything will be ok.

At this point of time, give any Malaysians the best or latest movie to watch on TV or the most sensational news of gossips and 'sins collectors' such as DSAI's n HS's case........ nobody care to bother, like..lantak kau org lah, because all Malaysians are grieving for the loss of MH370'. Those giving silly comments (mengutuk MAS).....you're heartless abnormal human.

My heart goes to you Aida and please be strong…

 Innalillahi wainnailaihi roji'un... 

Alfatihah.

Homesick

We have been apart from our family for a huge portion of our life now and why am i still doing it? It is because of work and of late I realized that i should spend these coming months in Ganu close to my family, instead of, here.

I really wonder how are others experiencing this?  What makes them decide to migrate and leave their family behind? 

Last night, Zoul saw my red eyes, blamed it on my hormones.

Before he went to sleep, we talked. I struggled to really tell him what’s been bothering me. He asked me a couple of times if i want to go home. I declined. It’s either being home with our family or being away from him. It’s really a decision I do not want to make.

And he said, “Just one more year sayang. Then we’ll go home, OK?”.

Really, living as an expatriate is not a bed of pretty yellow roses as what some people might think. Sure, the money and the perks are second to none, but the time with family is not refundable.  I can never get those ‘time’ back.

Zoul said I’m spending my time alone most of the time here and not working as I used to before and that leads me to a kinda homesickness. In a way, he’s right. Being alone most of the time allows me to be inside my head far too long.

Above all…..I want Lyra’s birth of place in Ganu and that would only be in my dreams.

I am feeling exhausted since I did not sleep well for the last few days and had to wake up almost every hour for toilet breaks, if not, for the frightening dreams that woke me up sweaty and breathless..

Five weeks ago, i could not imagine myself to be this far along in my pregnancy. After losing one of them I am taking things day by day. I have nightmares relating to my pregnancy, probably due to fears that I will be losing her as well.

I’ll be lying if i say I am not worried.