Homesick

We have been apart from our family for a huge portion of our life now and why am i still doing it? It is because of work and of late I realized that i should spend these coming months in Ganu close to my family, instead of, here.

I really wonder how are others experiencing this?  What makes them decide to migrate and leave their family behind? 

Last night, Zoul saw my red eyes, blamed it on my hormones.

Before he went to sleep, we talked. I struggled to really tell him what’s been bothering me. He asked me a couple of times if i want to go home. I declined. It’s either being home with our family or being away from him. It’s really a decision I do not want to make.

And he said, “Just one more year sayang. Then we’ll go home, OK?”.

Really, living as an expatriate is not a bed of pretty yellow roses as what some people might think. Sure, the money and the perks are second to none, but the time with family is not refundable.  I can never get those ‘time’ back.

Zoul said I’m spending my time alone most of the time here and not working as I used to before and that leads me to a kinda homesickness. In a way, he’s right. Being alone most of the time allows me to be inside my head far too long.

Above all…..I want Lyra’s birth of place in Ganu and that would only be in my dreams.

I am feeling exhausted since I did not sleep well for the last few days and had to wake up almost every hour for toilet breaks, if not, for the frightening dreams that woke me up sweaty and breathless..

Five weeks ago, i could not imagine myself to be this far along in my pregnancy. After losing one of them I am taking things day by day. I have nightmares relating to my pregnancy, probably due to fears that I will be losing her as well.

I’ll be lying if i say I am not worried.