A happy and blessed Ramadhan, everyone!

When Ramadhan comes, grandma will always make sure that she makes starters and desserts to accompany the main meal of iftar. She was younger then and had not experienced knee problems yet and  she had Auntie Fiz and Auntie  Az to help her too (my two unmarried aunties who were staying with her). So in a household of three women, you can imagine what good food I enjoyed.

The best thing was the exchange of kuih / lauk / starters with the neigbours. And I was the despatch girl ( i was eight yrs old),  delivering grandma’s treats  to our neighbours and they  in returns will "exchange" it with something of theirs. And I know who the best cook in our neighborhood back then.

We usually have about 8 different offerings from 8 different households!

There was no need for a Bazaar Ramadhan.

This Ramadhan , life would be different for us. Opah passed away on April 17^th nearly a month after I left for work. I promised her I will come home on time for Ramadhan and we shall celebrate Shawal together. But Allah knows what’s  best for her…..Al-fatihah…

Two days ago I was  mixing when Zul came to me and said, " I called your mom .  Your grandma had a fall."

And I went, "Oh. OK". The mixing didn't stop. No….that's certainly not a way to respond  when you received bad news  of your loved one .

My emotion failed to surface almost immediately. I was experiencing the Delayed Telecast Syndrome this time round. Opah just died two month ago…,,would grandma leave before I get home too? I had no immediate reaction. The worse the news is, the less I reacted to it lately.

I  was fine as hell and I slept well that night. The next morning I was sobbing alone in my cabin.

Knowing me…..In hindsight, Zul decided to stay close  and we were lifted off Dugong Island just after breakfast.

"I slept with my grandma until I was twelve." There it was, my Delayed Emotional Telecast with tears coming down my cheek  again as we arrived on mainland . We flew back home with the rest of the team late that evening.

My grandma. ……..

She is a lot of things to me, a mother, a friend, a confidante, the one who spoils me rotten. For someone her age, she's  very open-minded. I was afraid of breaking her heart when I got divorced. But instead she was the one who consoled me, "You don't need to please everyone in life, you must always remember that," she said, while stroking my hair. I heaved many sighs of relief in her presence...

Her reaction was a stark contrast to  mom's.


I miss my grandma terribly. And to know she is sick ….. will she die too and leave me as opah did nearly three months ago?
I didn't make it for opah’s funeral. I didn't get to see her for the last time, and bid that forever  farewell. But I  remembered the smile on her  face before I left for Nha Trang.


Alhamdulillah…..Earlier this morning….we left for Kuantan……I kissed both grandma’s cheeks as she smile up at me and squeeze my hands……

A happy and blessed Ramadhan, everyone!