Age and marriage

I am one of those girls who got married at a young age. I was 20, a student in a foreign land and I did not marry because 'it was a done thing'. I have never regretted for a single moment of my life, the decision I made back then. I found the right ‘him’ so why should I wait? I still get to see ‘the world' and do the things that I love to do, so what is so wrong with tying the knot at a young age? 

Some may mutter under their breath that the early marriage may be the reason for my break-up. It doesn't matter at what age you get married, if the break-up is going to happen, it will happen. People and feelings change and so are our priorities, changes at different stages of our life. So even if you get married at 40, who can guarantee that your marriage will still be firmly intact by the time you're 50? 

The writer of one woman magazine wrote: 
Do our young understand what it takes to share, respect and show consideration in a relationship? 
Do they realise that love and kindness must be demonstrated by both sides? 
Do they recognise that their partners are equal and not subordinate or superior to them? 

But how can you be so sure your understanding of love is better when you're older? And how old is old enough to get married anyway? 
You can't learn about love, trust and respect from textbooks but can only understand their true meanings when you ARE in a relationship and I don't think age has got anything to do with it. 

 Comments and ideas are most welcome!

My chaotic brain....

 There are too many things on my mind and I'm not sure which one to concentrate on anymore. 

 I have been thinking too much lately……plain thinking, planning, jumping from one subject to another, A few minutes ago I thought of going to the Mall, even before I finish with my mental what to buy note, I started thinking of  my mom's birthday, Billi’s pair of shoes and packing Sarah’s clothes…she is leaving for Madrid.I don't  need a written to-do list anymore.. everything is here inside my brain. If I realized I could stretch my brain capability this much  I would have been the best student back then!   hehe.. 

I guess the change in my brain activities is due to my own emotional status, I hate to admit it, I know that at this point of life, I'm so unsure of which path to choose. At one moment I was warming up to the prospect of having my own property in KL or maybe Alor Star and settle down yet, at another, I found myself longing for the trip back to Sydney to continue my studies. One moment I had the urge to just drop everything and go travelling around the world but moments later, I felt so strongly on staying put and building up my professional career here in the UK. What is happening to me? Am I a bipolar schizoprenic…….I certainly hope not!! 

Now I feel like I'm 18 again.. So many choices, so many possibilities.. ….. which one?  All these uncertainties actually excite me. Scary sometimes but exciting still. I guess the vulnerable and confused state that I am in now is actually making me feel alive again. Maybe being lost and confused is what I need to motivate me to venture into new territories... to discover the real me. 

My passion for books

I read  The Magic Faraway Tree (by Enid Blyton) bought by mama when I was in prim two. We went to Berita Publishing every month to spend Rm50 book voucher allowance allocate by the company where papa worked That book made young me curious enough to open the first page and read.I was already reading fairly well the gawd awful Peter and Jane books with illustrations. Until that Magic Faraway Tree came into the scene…… There was just no stopping me. I was with the book on my bed from morning  ‘til  sunset not even bothered  to switch on the lights, so engrossed ….. I would simply squint my eyes  reading words after words in meagre light that comes through the window or from the light switched on outside my room. It was that bad.

 Then mama bought me  Enchanted Wood and  those Mr Pink Whistle books. The list goes on and looking back, I think they certainly affected my childhood. The Naughtiest Girl collection made me a bit on the rebel.  Malory Towers and St Clare made me study hard to go to boarding school. Then came the Famous Five collections that made me  a tomboy like Georgina. I was  impressed and idolized by the characters in  all those book same way I idolized Hermione of Harry Potter. (Wonder if Enid Blyton could have been a billionaire like J.K. Rowling if she lived now, in these commercial times)

Then my eyes were on Nancy Drew mysteries and  there were many of those books at home.  But when I was 11 onwards, I was also reading children’s fantasy  introduced  by my brother… reading about all those imaginary children who can go across worlds and travel through time with a mission. I had no favourite authors  at that time– I just read what was available  at home.

I started reading Sidney Sheldon when I was in secondary One. God knows what those books did to my hormones at that age.. hahaha.  There was Windmill of the Gods  at home and there were many other Sidney Sheldon books belonging to my pap.  That was when I discovered other authors like Eric Van Lustbader and Robert Ludlum. Papa never stopped me from reading those ‘forbidden’ thick books, but mama would say “Asyik baca buku pasal seks aje.” (You are always reading those books about sex!) Obviously, there were sexual scenes in many of those books  and papa want us to discover things for ourselves and be open minded about them..the fact is  it was just a good story – sex scenes aside. It was through his collection I discovered authors like George Orwell,Jane Austen and Ken Follet          Thank you Papa.


Looking back, I think, that experience instilled in me, the passion I have for books and the English language and it all started at home…..

Huhuhuhu.......

Malay men don’t  know what romance is....izzit?  But then again, what does a Malay woman expect when she wants romance?. Candlelit dinner for two at home, perhaps? Dining out, at a nice, expensive hotel....by the pool? A box of chocolate hearts with a card attached  or maybe a bouquet of yellow 

roses with almond cookies tied to it. Or canoodling in a 5 star hotel or moonlit by the beach......

What actually romance  is for most of us, basically, a Malay woman, like me, the  perempuan Melayu terakhir.....hehehehe. Frankly, the candlelit dinner is not cut out for me if without a wonderful conversation and some other intangibles. I just don’t go for things  so often used on TV to ‘describe’ romantic - ‘commercial romantic’- and  that’s  NOT in our culture.

What is true Malay Romance (MR)?

If the people in the kampung want to be romantic, what is the first thing that cross their minds? Everything is so commercialised and westernised nowadays......  my ignorance I blamed for not trying 

to read up more on Malay cultures - but I would really like to find out the real romance for Malays.

Is there no such thing as MR ?........

I can’t think of much romantic stuff that could be construed as totally Malay ....anyone???  Probably because when I read, I can clearly see the people in the books  –  is always so very clear to me that they are all mat saleh, NOT Malay. I am an avid romance reader.... but I could never imagine myself doing the romantic stuff they do in the books........

.........................................to me, romance, if anything, must come from the heart.

Like a special dinner cooked just for me  when he doesn’t really know how to cook but he tries because he wants me to know how much he loves me and how ‘special’ I am....to him

That  would make me feel romanced...dun u think so???

My conclusion is...

Tell him and teach him how to be romantic in your perception. Which is more practicle since most Malay man don’t romance....

For the happy endings,,,,

I read romances not because of the sex scenes, .....it  has always been for the happy endings.  I read romance when I am depressed, a little lonely or when I am annoyed. And the books without fail, give me a happy ending to look forward to. Some I wish will not end  until I said ‘THE END’….hahahaha.

My life has been trails of sad conflicts. It wasn't a pleasant experience for an 18yr ol girl like me to go through such a thing. It was, to me, a taste of severe pain at the bend of leaving girlhood life  into  womanhood  and it was then that I had understood the hardships and problems one has to face when stepping into adulthood. But even then, I was not really alone, unlike the many, many students in foreign land out there. I had my maid, my bro and my mom( she was doing her Phd then) to help me through each day (and I am very thankful for them) and also I had the books. 

I love the plot and the depth of emotions expressed in the  writing styles of Suzanne Enoch and Loretta Chase as well. These are my favourite romance writers in the whole world……

In the real world.....is there such romance ?

Does he know........

Forgive me, I am in one of my sullen and sorry moods.

The truth is, when he took off unexpectedly late that evening.....(after prior few hours notice....which i read a few hours after he deactivated his account) I didnt get a good enough sense to make 'anything' out of them. I then  frantically check his other account....there were few tagged msgs and one email from him, after all he doesnt really wanna  kick me total out from his life. The contents were clear we still have something on between us but after a few aberrant views through online msgs i figured....we need to loose out a bit.The thing is each of us.. we have brimming situations to solve beforehand........

Deep inside ...i wish we could be more proactive.
Does he know of my wish.......Nope.

The Begining.........

I've never had a blog before. Since this is a brand new thing for me I have yet to pick what to focus on but somehow I  will  make every effort to amuse myself toying/flirting with my most inner thoughts and feelings first. The fleeting brilliance in my brain I will not allow to fade away unsung :)  ... just so that i can organise them and retain some semblance of my old self...they dont occur often and I wish the bliss is shared and will be well remembered......

...... and nobody can suffer them. For the rest of you people of the earth who have access to the internet and currently reading this...I thank you.




 Adios.

Why Am I here........

Hmm.. .. … it is so much  to do with you Am …..things are a bit messy right now but I kept on telling myself  it's  gonna be better….I  like this new  blog I am creating…..

………..the dancing  mermaid princess is brand new  thing for me !

I hope  u will find me here…………soon.

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Wish us all the best!  

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Adios!