Part fourteen: A fighter to the end

The C-sec

The C-sec was on the 25th. I was not worried about the surgery then,since it was my fifth in five years, minus the oral surgery when I was eighteen to remove a set of wisdom teeth  that was causing problems since there was not enough space for them to grow at the back of my mouth, That was the first time I was put under GA.

What worried me the most was not knowing whether Kriss would be ready to stand on his own after his birth. These past 32 weeks, I have been breathing and eating for the two of us and after the C-sec would he be ready to start breathing on his own?. I prayed in good  faith he would..

I'm writing this on the hospital bed, feeling severely depressed. I cry at least 7 times a day. Some days I managed to keep my spirit high, stressing myself everything will turn out fine otherwise I am a wreck.

 
The passing by in the other world, it's a personal experience with no testimony to describe the exact feeling of that moment but I know that moment will come soon.  The problem is I don’t really know the exact time and how I will face that moment. 

When I was injected the spinal and epidural anesthetic before the C-sec, I firmly believed that my son would survive the ordeal.. The shots had numbed parts of my body as to block pain while I stayed awake and aware of the movement of my lower body and there was a sense of feeling and tugging during the surgery in progress.

Finally, I was feeling so happy when my baby screamed the moment he was born. It was a beautiful cry. He continued to cry, his voice echoed the operating room. All at once I had tears rolling down and completely forgotten all the pain I had to suffer during thirty two weeks of pregnancy.

He was then taken away and I didn't get to see him until a day after...

A few hours later he was diagnosed with Respiratory Depressed Syndrome, which is expected in premature babies. I was so unhappy and sad. It really pissed me off since my effort of enduring pain of the dexa shot twice failed to save my baby from suffering RDS.

 

But that wasn't all. He has a condition term as PDA (Patent Ductal Asteriosus). Before birth, these arteries are connected by a blood vessel ie ductus arteriosus, a vital part of fetal blood circulation. In new borns the DA closes within minutes or up to a few days.

However, in Kriss case the DA which is suppose to close after birth remains open (patent) flooding his left lungs with poor oxygen  create strain in the heart and increases the blood pressure making it difficult for him to breath.

I have struggle and confronted lots of obstacle in my life before. I have cancer cells in my body right this minute, multiplying happily. But even that doesn't make me as depressed as knowing the uncertainty of my son's survival..

Today he started on Indomethacin, a type of drug that could shrink and eventually close the hole in his heart.

But Kriss looks so beautiful, He's fair with sharp nose and long thin fingers and toes.

I love him to pieces already...

Do pray for us, for his complete recovery