Part four: A fighter to the end

Oh NO! Not again!

I wasn't busy but laziness just took over me, not the common laziness, it is more of I’m slower in my movement, being sluggish. I grew tired for no absolute reason, breathless after climbing up one flight of stairs. I prefer lying down dreamily on bed the whole day while enjoying the sight of ceilings rather than watching horizons with the beautiful sunset or sunrise which I used to love watching before. So here I am, like a zombie loving darkness.

Then the inevitable happened. I noticed two painful lumps at the lower outer quadrant of my left breast. After the failure to breastfeed my daughter, I was more determined to do it this time round for my son whom I am carrying now. I seriously thought the lumps was my breast changing naturally in preparation for nursing the baby. Since I’m around my third to fourth month of pregnancy I guess  the breast is starting to produce colostrums the special milk baby gets first starts nursing.

The pain in the lump increased but the shape weren't round but slightly oblong. They just felt like swollen veins. The thought of cancer did cross my mind but the last time when cancer strike the lump was round and it wasn't painful. The thought of having cancer again while pregnant was just too scary for me to imagine.

I had sleepless nights.  I heard an inner voice insisting that I go for an ultrasound soon. A week later I forced my way through an irritated clerk to get to the doctor, whom because of the long list of desperate patients, had to forego his Friday prayer.

The lumps looked suspicious, but they could be abcess the doctor told me. When he scanned the axillary lymph nodes that part was clear. (About 75% of lymph from the breast drains into the axillary lymph nodes, making them important in the diognasis of breast cancer)

I asked whether I need to speed up my biopsy (ultrasound guided biopsy) since my appointment is in a week time, or should I turn up for the check up on the appointment date itself. He told me it's up to me to decide. What kind of advice was that? I might as well ask the same advice from a monkey in the zoo. I hate doctors who gave hope when there was none...

What pushed me anyway was the fact that after many visits from mammogram to Papsmear, this time he refused payment. The ultrasound and consultation which cost RM120, were free of charge

Once home I called the hospital insisting on meeting my surgeon as soon as possible which was granted once I explained what the ultrasound result revealed. Ms.Suina was appalled that this should happened because when I saw her two months ago, I was great.

When I went for an ultrasound guided biopsy and by this time, there were already 3 lumps. And a week later, they all turned up positive for Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma...or in layman's term, breast cancer.

And I thought NOT AGAIN!!! NOT NOW!!!!