Finally....here is my 100th post

 We were naturally compressed and suppressed when we were kids. Everything seems not enough… brain not big enough, arms can’t reach far enough, legs not tall enough. Thus whatever put before us by adults are coerced unto us. We moved along swearing quietly (some would rebel violently) and wishing for better days and things to come our ways as we grow up.

I stopped eating flesh of animals since I was 17. It happened after I witnessed a cow being slaughtered just before my eyes during my aunt’s wedding. It was traumatic for me and I can’t bring myself to consume any kind of meat again. And I have been a vegetarian since.

Choice and preference becomes a privilege as we grow up. At primary I received RM2 daily allowance which I spent all at the school canteen and it increased to RM15 per week when I was in upper primary. It has given me the luxury of getting what I prefer to a certain extent but I pressed ma for more when I knew there are others who got more than me from their parents..  

I joined a full boarding school at age thirteen and within a week I learned the concept of humility. Everything was pre-scheduled and organised. From what time to wake up, what to eat in the dining hall, afternoon activities, preps time,physical games in the evening and what time to lights off and sleep. We are equal….To live like the others.

A week after orientation, my parents came to visit. I pulled mom to a corner hugged her and said thank you. I could see tears of joy from mom’s eyes knowing I was not sad and unhappy, unlike her when she too had to stay in the same boarding school more than 20yrs before me.

These memories came up to me for a reason.

Being a fully capable adult, I am unrestricted to access all my whims and fancies (within my financial and moral limit of course but not my social freedom ). For items I can afford now, I manage. For things I still can’t, I dream. For the foods I want to eat, I go “Jalan2 cari makan” alone/ family members or with friends .

But with a job like mine it brings me back to my childlike life conditions. All privilege and options are non existence figuratively…..

I feel humility and compassion seeping back to me, reminds me of the life shaping years that I had during boarding school. I kept on reminding myself, death is as near as my bedside as I close my eyes to sleep whenever I have the chance  to do it….

We are equal….we depends a lot on one another.


Selamat berbuka puasa for all........