A Dose of Sex

Six in one morning…… Hahahahaha…eyes popping! Jaws dropping…..Lalalalala!

"There are a lot of gorgeous women out there in the city. But after a while, you just want someone who can make you laugh" 
- Mr. Big, Sex and The City, 2nd Episode, 1st Season.

Auwww... when I am upset… yo-yo I am kinky and sinuously rambling endlessly……(reminds me of my  sifu’s rambling in Alor Star ‘Howdy Mork…!!’)….

When and where can I find my very own Mr. Big? Do I have to wait as Carrie did, until I am a thirty-something…..and wait another six years for IT to actually happen? Wait!! it’s a cobra…seem significant enough but I can’t really connect myself to the ‘event’. Cobra? Cobra! An angry cobra …hiss ….hiss..

Hmmmm…….

I am bed resting since yesterday. They lifted me up from the Red Sea/Arabian Gulf 22°N 38°E through the Bab el Mandeb for a further health screen.. So, today, as usual, I woke up early in the morning, mentally alert and knowing that I have the whole day to laze …on the bed? I don't believe this….

Huaaaaaa……..

Leodi said I was hopeless, the weather was so conducive for sleeping and I couldn't sleep.

I replied, "Yeah what a bugger.."

So I watched the first six episodes of First Season of Sex and The City. It’s about relationship of men and women. I can understand why Carrie Bradshaw did it. You get to learn a lot of things, one that you don't know, one that you don't want to know added to the ones you already knew. How do I go about that?

I believe that there is someone for everyone. It's the "when" that makes most of us impatient. And to ‘whom’ of course make us wonder. Duhh.

I haven't been to New York. I do not know whether KL is anything close to NY. Although judging by the way KLites living their lives, I could see some similarities here and there. Anyway, my point is, being beautiful always has its advantage. Society is obsessed about a certain standards that are considered as "beautiful".

People always say that intelligence is attractive, but how can you attract someone to talk to you and find that you're intelligent, when you are unable to attract their attention in the first place just because you're not beautiful? First impression is always important, but you're unlikely to make a good one if you're not at par with the standards.

So, where does that leave ladies like me? Not beautiful by society's standards but (ehem!) intelligent. They say beauty is secondary but why most are attracted to beautiful peeps otherwise I won't be drooling after Mr. P Brosnan or Johnny D eh?

What's going on...?

           I stood in front of a young couple on a train leaving for WM. They would be around my age, or maybe younger. The man was tall, well built, the working out type. The lady was petite, tastefully dressed and beautiful. Both look like working professional.

            

       The man has an unfriendly look, while the lady seemed timid and shy, sitting closely plastered to his side. She whispers shyly “I love you” and he asked her to repeat the words several times while nodding his head and just before he got up, he said, "Ok" and walked out the train.

The lady has bruises on her upper arm. Finger and thumb marks and those really bothered me. An elderly lady sitting beside her kept on looking at her arm, and the girl standing beside me was as curious as I was and could not help but looked on and looked away several times. The bruises could easily be there after a tussle in the heat of passion but…..

I guess it bothered us, it always does after noticing bruises on another woman, but we could never get the nerve to ask or say anything.

IF she is in an abusive relationship, she needs to get help, she needs to find the courage to get out of it. No human being for whatever reason, deserve to be treated badly.

If it was just marks from a loving scuffle coupling on the violent and uncultured but not abusive manner, well, I don't know what to say. Don't mark me where people might see them :-p

I hope my speculations are wrong. I really hope so.

       Stop abuse on women, children and animals. 

       Stop abuse on men (?).

There is no goodbye

I had said goodbyes before, mostly with heart and mind not in tandem with what were said. So, could it be a goodbye. No?

Goodbye yesterday, but the memories forever remain haunting in moments of weakness. The words uttered, turmoil and commotion flared, the heartache and  tears flowed came flashing back in moments of sadness, whenever thoughts flew wildly and uncontrollably back to yesterdays, to  yesteryears.

Is there any definite or isn’t there any definite goodbye.  Mercilessly, memory stays. Consciously, subconsciously, some vague but most come glaring back with such brutality . There is no running away. It's like a permanent stain. How do you make it disappear? By brutally, ruthlessly erasing them from one’s mind leaving no scars? How?

 

A newfound brain mechanism erases memories on purpose to help make way for new ones. Scientists suggest it could lead to the development of memory-erasing drugs that make a person forget certain things.

Researchers have often debated about the reasons we forget — eg. why newly acquired short-term memories are fleeting. One theory suggests that such memories are simply unstable, fading over time. Others contend interference causes short-term memories to be overridden as new data comes in.

Both notions suggested that forgetting is a passive mechanism, but now it seems "it's not that at all — it's an active system to erase memory, completely independent from the mechanisms to form memories.

Will I forget those memories they want me to forget. 

Let fate decides….

Is it time to move on?

I feel for a Moom. Damn you Poop (aaahhh... my heart goes pitty pat)!!

Have you ever pause and think deeply of how fast men can move on after a breakup? Or is it because they moved on long before the woman let go that makes it looks easier for them? I am contemplating…. was at the deck counting stars with Leodi while Mich fishing and singing…(for me….huhuhuh). In between the stars I saw a picture of a broken hearted Moom, and a trio playing at the beach namely Mr Potato, PrincessLaila and her kids???? Yes on the beach!!  You are a bitch PL??  Huh!!.

Women, being the emotional creatures, we tend to hold on things longer than we should. I ask myself.. Is this a weakness? or a  strength?

 

It could be both. I think. Due to being the strength, marriages and relationships last longer, usually til death do us part. Don't you believe me? Try asking any wives how many silent tears they shed alone over the years.

 

If it is to be a weakness, that makes us humans.

It is sad when men will move almost instantly as if nothing had happened while the women are left to pick up the pieces and desperately patching them up. (I am thinking of humpty dumpty sitting on a wall….) There is never an answer to the question 'why' when it is directed to them…. Men!!  ( usually it will be….why are you doing this to me?)

 

Oh….ouch!  this is a generic post. It does not refer to anyone, or anything. I was just... reflecting. And thinking of…..( yo shit!).

If you see a woman, who is able to move on as if nothing is affecting her, she is only pretending. She might look strong on the outside, but she's actually fragile inside. It is a defensive mechanism. People around might think she is happy because she looks happy, smiling and laughing, but no one really know how strong the storm is brewing inside her. Appearing to be strong is the only way for them (women) to hide the hurt they felt inside wanting not to get hurt again and again.

Do you think I am bias? Yes of course I am, I am a woman. And I admit, I'm an emotional creature and I'm happy being one emotional woman creature and not hating or feeling sorry for myself of being one. It is me and that is who I am. And it's what makes me truly a woman.

So, Moom, fret no more. We could be sad and as time heals, we will move on.

I am just a sucker for fairytales and happy endings and if magic does happen in real life, then, there is no life.

Is it time to move on?

 

Violets are blue so is the sky....

Life as nature sets in, is interesting. You meet new people, get along beautifully with them, observe them, write about those beautiful and not so beautiful characters you see in them and at the same token you get the advantage to read and understand their thoughts too. Along the way you re-acquainted with old friends.

Life by all means is very, very exciting and awesome too.

The sky is the bluest at the horizon these past couple of days. Sure there are some grey clouds floating around, fair weather cumulus and cumulonimbus but I love cirrus when it’s at the bluest. Somehow, with it being so blue, the rest of the world becomes more beautiful but if you are on land, the trees and grasses will look greener, hills look prettier than ever.

In life when we choose to see all the beauty, we will focus on the good things instead of the bad (grey dark clouds). There are a lot more good friends than bad, more beautiful memories than sad, easier ways to do things and the list goes on and on. Ultimately it’s our choice good or bad and a bad choice (no choice) in life will do us more harm than good, will consume and suffocate us along the way.

I’ve been really busy with work lately to catch up with old friends, good friends, new friends, treasured friends(Fb&T)….bad ones too. If I continue down this road, I guess I will end up losing most of them. (I don’t mind losing the bad ones though). 

I am so lucky so blessed with friends who understand my far afield life, and when we do catch up, it’s as if there were no hiatus in between. And again, it is my choice, to make the time and effort, compose an email, a line or two no matter where I am for them. Sure, we cannot get together as often as we like, but we must continue to connect. In any way we can.

Each time when I look through the internet, I see people connecting every day, every single moment (Since I am separated from the more sophisticated and civilized world by ocean a part the only way to see the other side is through the internet). Some are connected to each other with honest intentions and I guess some are not. Some genuinely like the people they are connecting and some do it because they have to do it. And that is life.

We are souls that thirst for connection, for involvement..... for relationship. That is the reason some of us are in temporary relationship, or trapped in a bad relationship, because any connection is better than none. No one is a detached soul. The thing that differs one from the others, are the intentions and ultimate goal. What do you want from the connection or involvement in a  relationship? Friendship?

Although life is not always fair, and relationship is not always smooth, choose to look at the bright side of things. That life is not always unfair and relationship is not always rocky and friendship does turn sour. Aim for balance. 

The sky is never always grey, and it was the brightest blue yesterday…(I wonder what it would be today)

I love my life…..Alhamdulillah. Goodnite peeps.

I love you….

'that is human nature'

It must be pretty bad or thought to be pretty bad when people say ’that’s human nature’ and they are no doubt referring to something unworthy someone did.

Come to think of it, I never heard this phrase ‘human nature’ been applied to a good deed, have you? We are so poorly thought by us and we condemn certain acts and attitude as inhumane…….

What is it then to be human? To have faults: ‘I’m only human, you know’……

To be better is angel. To be worse is beast, a monster or a devil. I do not know about devils but look at how we hurt or injured animal…are we only being human?

Gladiators were both professional and amateur fighters in ancient Rome fought  to entertain ‘civilized’ spectators. These fights took place in an arena:  man vs man and man against animals in combat that was at times to the death.  Bull fight in Spain: bull fighters (matador)s who got turn on by the roaring spectators while harming and injuring, before the bull dropped to its knees and dying, but if the bull fails to die the matador may use a sword with a short cross piece at the end which he stabs into the bull's neck severing the spinal cord and the fight is over.’ Laga ayam, sabung ayam , laga ayam sampai mati?? (cock fights) are more popular with Asians.

As in warfare: Wars of organized, armed, and often prolonged conflict carried on between states/nations or parties^, typified by extreme aggression and social separation and usually with high death and again …that’s human nature they said.

Read the stories about monsters and beast with an open mind, they are innocent creatures kill only for food unlike the human heroes who go about killing them or themselves as in wars are significantly for glory…

We talk about the rat race and call a real low down specimen of humanity a rat. When a man shows fear we ask: is he a man or a mouse or he is a chicken hearted or is chickening out…

A conman is a fox, a playboy a wolf. Inconsiderate and dangerous driver are road hogs, stubbornness in man are mulish or pig headed. A selfish and stupidly prejudiced person is a pig, as in ‘male chauvinist pig’ (MCP)…this last phrase is most unfair to pigs.

When a woman show an undesirable trait she is labeled a cat, shrew, dragon, vixen or minx and the word bitch has been so debased by human associations (as in SOB) that you can hardly ever use any more in  original straightforward sense of female dog. This is a gross injustice of comparisons towards those animals.

In scandalous remarks: For the English the wolf (Casanovas) is dangerous only to females. For the Chinese he is generally harmful and his special sin is ingratitude. The Malay equivalent of the English wolf is the crocodile. (buaya tembaga..)

We said someone is a snake, only mean he is lazy. Call an English man a dog, he may even be flattered by admitting he is abit of a dog but try calling a Malay man anything with canine connection and you may find yourself running for cover to escape his anger. (tp cuba panggil dia ayam jantan....ada yg suka)

I wonder what the animal use as insults when they argue: my beautiful feline with her …..

‘You…you…Male idiot fuc$%&g human being @#@%&…you!’

Hmmmmm……..

We are who we have loved.

How we behave with our current partner has a lot to do with what we learnt from past relationship.

Leodi: if things might turn out differently with the first date gone well, (either you or me) will you be here working with me now Nina?

Perhaps, he was referring to when I’d known  Mich during our students’ days in Sydney and he, with his own  Mary O’Toole during his students days in Ireland …...

As for me some spark flew. We ended up as a couple but it all ended up in tears. It taught me a little more about what love is and more importantly what love is not.

Mich went back to Mal after his final exams  and was married to someone else and so did I in Sydney six months later.

(Mich was married for eight years before his divorce and my own marriage lasted thirteen months…and the experience gave me a better idea of what I must do or must not do- in that quest to find ‘true’ love but by fate our life journey crosses and we are now working in the same surveying team)      

Me: I am glad it didn’t work out, as I would have missed out a wonderful relationship I had with you, before I met 'him'. I define relationship as anything with some kind of emotional connection between the respective man/woman. We are I believe, the sum of relationships past.

What we are now and how we behave with each other is, to an extent, shaped by whom we had shared our life with before. Whom we choose to marry has also to do with the lesson on love from past relationship.

My list:

Ø        Don’t underestimate kindness, gentleness and patience in a man. (he might turn into an angry cobra..)

Ø        If you don’t love the way he looks, the way he sounds and the way he speaks, forget about marriage because       that’s the first and last thing you are going to see and hear every day for the rest of your life.

      (he speaks Javanese…I will definitely twist my tongue to French…)

Ø       If he doesn’t share your sense of humour, you are going to have a frustrating and boring life together.

Ø       If there’s anything about him that you view with disquiet at the start of the relationship- the way he eats (to me it is what he likes to eat), the way his lips twisted when he smiles ( hehehehe…), his gaze (could practice poking those eyes with my index finger )-reconsider because that disquiet might one day turn into disgust.

Ø      Only marry someone you won’t mind sharing your most precious possession with. ( Does that include Billi…)

Ø      If you are not able to sit in a room without a TV, stare into each other’s eyes and talk and talk for hours on end about nothing in particular, it is not a good sign. 

     ( he is a diehard MU fan and my papa, mama and bros are diehard Liverpool fan….will I survive the ordeal?)

Ø       A man who kicks your cat is not the man for you. ( he doesn’t like cats. And I will kick him thousands even if he is merely pushing my cat away)

Ø      Be sensitive.( I will avoid talking about things that might cross the line and hurt him…eg.….F)

Ø      You can’t make someone love you just because you love him.

  Keep an open mind. (you could only afford to love him but not marry him)

Ø     Don’t get overwhelmed by a man’s fancy car, fancy house or fancy clothes. (It is the person inside the car, house and clothes that matters…as i could earn and buy things myself)

Ø     Finally, never borrow your boy friend money. (He doesn’t want it back and it will be a source of friction and you are in his debt.

When I asked him, lessons from past love, it was a much shorter list.

He would marry a woman he fancies, who’s considerate, who gets him, who loves him and whom he has absolutely no doubts about marrying her….

.