DAY 3: THE BEST BIRTHDAY GIFT

…..… uncertainties.. for not knowing what to expect and what was expected from me that day.. ….WORRIED?

Maybe..

Just hope that the process will be smooth and quick with no complications.. ..SAD?

No.. I don't think so..

I waited for 3 yrs for this to happen. As difficult as it was, I knew there is no turning back and I was contented, at ease and happy with my decision. But having to hear it announced in the court of law is probably a different story.. But I have promised myself, there won't be any more tears. I have cried enough to last for a lifetime, so no more.. Not a single drop..  

'Till death do us part..' 'For better for worse..'

 ………. officially breaking the promises. It  progressed  in a very calm and composed manner...no visible hesitations, at least not on his part anyway. I was guilty of breaking an oath which I only manage to fulfill for 13 months and failed miserably. I did try to keep up a straight face in the courtroom but when the judge asked me whether I agree to go ahead with the proceedings, I crumbled. I don't understand why they need to ask me the same question again and again when the power to talaq was never mine. Had I actually disagree, what difference would it make? Then why bother asking? (Stop pointing fingers….without knowing the nature of the whole  event)

Surprisingly, I felt much beter after that. As sad as it was, (I wonder why the sadness…I waited miserably 3 years for this to happen) I felt a huge burden lifted off my shoulder and I could move on freely. A month later I revisited to collect the final report….Custody of Billi is his.

What a 'great' birthday gift eh? :)

DAY 2: YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE

“You can erase someone from your mind. 
Getting them out of your heart is another story.”

Pick just one movie as a favourite……. It would be easier if the question is, Your Favourite Johnny Depp Movie, then without hesitation  I would say Pirates of the Carribeans. I like his sissy kinda character in the movie.  Your Favourite Tan Sri P.Ramlie Movie and it goes to  the Bujang Lapok one of the trilogies. Sudin – Ramlee – Ajis. Those trios crack me up all the time. Or Your Favourite Classic Movie and it will be Forest Gump (Tom Hank  won an Oscar)- “And then Jenny came back and she left again.And then Jenny came back and she left again.Then Jenny told me I was a daddy, so we got married.And then Jenny died”........ hmmmmmm

 My Favourite Scifi  would be Avatar which is  very similar to District 9, a movie that was released within the same year.. Or if it’s The Favourite Book Adaptation Movie, without delays my answer would be The Notebook, originally written by Nicholas Sparks. The book was sappy beyond words even a hopeless romantic as yours truly want to watch it everyday!!!!

…..…….hehehehe.   And of course the gorgeous  Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Grrr……

 But my answer  has got to be ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND. Starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet, the title is from the poem Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope on a story of a tragic love affair. In a way, I think the movie is a tragic love story of its own….. Dark and wildly imaginative, awesomely clever and thoroughly heartfelt.You gotta watch it.

Marvelous March

Marvelous March, my birthday month is here! And as promised (I know you’re not keeping score leodi, but for the past two years I had kept my promises hehehe) so yeah, as promised, I’m gonna do the my b’day Challenge starting today the 5th day of March, on which date I  turn 17 (plus 10) hahahaha

(the challenge will end on the 30^th March)

DAY 1: MY FAVOURITE SONG
This is a tough one. Its quite difficult for me to just choose one song/ number/movie/actor and such because to me it  is a seasonal kinda thing. (Ikut musim aku. Ikut mood aku.)

  Back in 1995, I’d probably choose one of Farah’s song Bagaikan Puteri  as my favourite, 1996 Oasis probably Wonderwall or Champagne Supernova. For 1997, the year I was obsessed with Robbie Williams Take That, She is the One,  Everything Changes, because it is one the few songs that Robbie get to be the lead vocal.

 Then I was obsessed with the cool girls songs for quite sometimes; anything by Jewel, Alanis Morissette, Lisa Loeb, Alisha’s Attic and Celine Dion. 2000 it was  Sheila On 7 and it was the turning point of my  love  for Indonesian song and until now the passion is still brimming high…meletup2 (explosively high)  since I know U…..Am

But, if I really have to choose one song that I really, really, really like, one song that never fails to put a smile on my face and send warm fuzzy feeling in my heart, it would be Celine Dion …I’m Alive……..

 

Happy Birthday Eina Anwar 

MY IDEA OF THE PERFECT FIRST DATE.

My very first date….. going out for a date makes me nervous especially first dates. The confusion that I had over what to wear casual/formal/ color of clothes and shoes that are matching, makeup, hairdo……. over analyzing on what to talk about, where to go and trying to look the best,  the best way I will feel best.

Pressure!

But I feel the pressure are more on you guys because girls will usually examine and analyz every details; does he  smell nice, does he open the car door for her, does he pull the chair for her, does he pick her up on time, does he pay for everything and should it be awkward if she decides to go dutch……….

I must say that my first date with Leodi was my idea of a perfect first date. I’m not talking about the many times we went out for the teh tarik sessions as friends (He was my boss….. hehehe). But I remembered him holding my hand and brushing it against his cheek before opening the car door for me…..my first skin to skin contact with him which I found thrilling……hahahaha. That was the first time we went on a real date, and it was an awesome one.

Nothing fancy, ……. No candlelight dinner  followed by tasteful theater show, not that kind of awesome.

He picked me up, we talked and laughed in the car then watched Shaolin Soccer ( kelakar giler, masih terasa kelakarnye hingga sekarang). Talked and laughed over glasses of mineral drinks and some popcorn, salad and tomato sandwhiches with lots of grated cheese and my favourite cottage apple tarts by the beach watching the singing  wave racing the beach and finally the sunset gracing the horizon………breathtaking.

Then he sent me home, right to my very doorstep before my bedtime. 

Yes, that kind of awesome. The kind that gives us the chance to get to know each other over good conversations and healthy dose of laughter and its still here at the back of  my mind …..to the point that I can still remember that he was wearing a bluish green  Padini shirt and I was wearing a blue ruffled blouse and a long denim skirt . The kind that when the date was over made me realize that,  I can’t wait to go out and talk and laugh with him again…..  

Age and marriage

I am one of those girls who got married at a young age. I was 20, a student in a foreign land and I did not marry because 'it was a done thing'. I have never regretted for a single moment of my life, the decision I made back then. I found the right ‘him’ so why should I wait? I still get to see ‘the world' and do the things that I love to do, so what is so wrong with tying the knot at a young age? 

Some may mutter under their breath that the early marriage may be the reason for my break-up. It doesn't matter at what age you get married, if the break-up is going to happen, it will happen. People and feelings change and so are our priorities, changes at different stages of our life. So even if you get married at 40, who can guarantee that your marriage will still be firmly intact by the time you're 50? 

The writer of one woman magazine wrote: 
Do our young understand what it takes to share, respect and show consideration in a relationship? 
Do they realise that love and kindness must be demonstrated by both sides? 
Do they recognise that their partners are equal and not subordinate or superior to them? 

But how can you be so sure your understanding of love is better when you're older? And how old is old enough to get married anyway? 
You can't learn about love, trust and respect from textbooks but can only understand their true meanings when you ARE in a relationship and I don't think age has got anything to do with it. 

 Comments and ideas are most welcome!

My chaotic brain....

 There are too many things on my mind and I'm not sure which one to concentrate on anymore. 

 I have been thinking too much lately……plain thinking, planning, jumping from one subject to another, A few minutes ago I thought of going to the Mall, even before I finish with my mental what to buy note, I started thinking of  my mom's birthday, Billi’s pair of shoes and packing Sarah’s clothes…she is leaving for Madrid.I don't  need a written to-do list anymore.. everything is here inside my brain. If I realized I could stretch my brain capability this much  I would have been the best student back then!   hehe.. 

I guess the change in my brain activities is due to my own emotional status, I hate to admit it, I know that at this point of life, I'm so unsure of which path to choose. At one moment I was warming up to the prospect of having my own property in KL or maybe Alor Star and settle down yet, at another, I found myself longing for the trip back to Sydney to continue my studies. One moment I had the urge to just drop everything and go travelling around the world but moments later, I felt so strongly on staying put and building up my professional career here in the UK. What is happening to me? Am I a bipolar schizoprenic…….I certainly hope not!! 

Now I feel like I'm 18 again.. So many choices, so many possibilities.. ….. which one?  All these uncertainties actually excite me. Scary sometimes but exciting still. I guess the vulnerable and confused state that I am in now is actually making me feel alive again. Maybe being lost and confused is what I need to motivate me to venture into new territories... to discover the real me. 

My passion for books

I read  The Magic Faraway Tree (by Enid Blyton) bought by mama when I was in prim two. We went to Berita Publishing every month to spend Rm50 book voucher allowance allocate by the company where papa worked That book made young me curious enough to open the first page and read.I was already reading fairly well the gawd awful Peter and Jane books with illustrations. Until that Magic Faraway Tree came into the scene…… There was just no stopping me. I was with the book on my bed from morning  ‘til  sunset not even bothered  to switch on the lights, so engrossed ….. I would simply squint my eyes  reading words after words in meagre light that comes through the window or from the light switched on outside my room. It was that bad.

 Then mama bought me  Enchanted Wood and  those Mr Pink Whistle books. The list goes on and looking back, I think they certainly affected my childhood. The Naughtiest Girl collection made me a bit on the rebel.  Malory Towers and St Clare made me study hard to go to boarding school. Then came the Famous Five collections that made me  a tomboy like Georgina. I was  impressed and idolized by the characters in  all those book same way I idolized Hermione of Harry Potter. (Wonder if Enid Blyton could have been a billionaire like J.K. Rowling if she lived now, in these commercial times)

Then my eyes were on Nancy Drew mysteries and  there were many of those books at home.  But when I was 11 onwards, I was also reading children’s fantasy  introduced  by my brother… reading about all those imaginary children who can go across worlds and travel through time with a mission. I had no favourite authors  at that time– I just read what was available  at home.

I started reading Sidney Sheldon when I was in secondary One. God knows what those books did to my hormones at that age.. hahaha.  There was Windmill of the Gods  at home and there were many other Sidney Sheldon books belonging to my pap.  That was when I discovered other authors like Eric Van Lustbader and Robert Ludlum. Papa never stopped me from reading those ‘forbidden’ thick books, but mama would say “Asyik baca buku pasal seks aje.” (You are always reading those books about sex!) Obviously, there were sexual scenes in many of those books  and papa want us to discover things for ourselves and be open minded about them..the fact is  it was just a good story – sex scenes aside. It was through his collection I discovered authors like George Orwell,Jane Austen and Ken Follet          Thank you Papa.


Looking back, I think, that experience instilled in me, the passion I have for books and the English language and it all started at home…..