Are You a Muslim?

 
Oh yeah, we do curse a lot here. But it doesn't mean anything for offshore community like us. Our sentence sounded defective without the F-word. (Bak kata orang Melayu…ayat yang tidak cukup perisa). There’s this saying, “Whoever works in oil & gas industry will go to hell. We cursed too much” 

 NO, I told them “We wont go to f-ing hell just because we f-ing swear too much here. I don't really    f-ing think so”  Hahahahahaha………….  that sounds  soooo f-ing offshore!

I bet your jaws are dropping by now…. Those remarks came from a guy during an orientation session when I first met him eight months ago.  Majority here are non-Muslims. We do have a few Muslims, mostly Indonesians working as stewards and we don’t really work or spend time with stewards since our job mostly are on the rig floor.

I was in the driller’s cabin when a guy asked me about my faith/religion. Since I don’t wear Hijab to prove I am a Muslim woman and it is common belief to associate Muslims ladies with Hijab and he wonders a lot about me. YES, I’m a Muslim and he asked if I go to pray when I’m on the rig. Again YES I do, five times a day.

Where? When? Do I go to pray? Five times a day?  I have to stop work for 5 freaking times a day during work? To them it seems like I am carrying a big burden on my shoulder. “Freaking” is simply a word I choose to describe their reaction.A nasty remark from Dad Christ, if I were a Mud Engineer, I won’t be able to perform my 5 times a day since I will be in the lab at all times.

 I told him, it doesn’t take much time to perform a prayer but it takes a longer time for me to pee or poo. And that 5 times is in within 24 hours not as they thought which are to be done only during day time.

This rig is equipped with a Prayer Room. But, no I don’t use the Prayer Room. Previously I stayed with another lady (Helen) who worked on day shift with me. So it’s not a problem for me to go back to my cabin and pray. But when we had full POB (full bed) and Helen was moved to another room which she has to share with another lady who refused to share room with a man, Helen and I had to split. I ended up having a male roommate but fret not, we work on different shift. Until today, I have no idea who the guy is because we have not met since I came. That’s how it is here. You go out of the room from 6am to 6pm and the other person starts working from 6pm to 6am. You are not allowed to go back to your cabin as it will disturb your roommate’s sleep.

Gdad asked, why should I be fasting for the whole freaking month without even drinking or eating. (Since Ramadhan is in two weeks) What was the purpose of fasting. I must admit I’m not really that pious or knowledgeable enough but I manage to satisfy him with good answers. (Terperasan good la pulak)

Most of them here do not embrace in any religion but they do believe in God. And it is a tragedy for them to miss drinking beer daily. I'm pretty sure one day they will ask me what is the reason for me to pray in all 5x/day  and  why is the time fixed at near-dawn, after sun's noon, afternoon, sunset and nightfall?

For now I don't have any answer yet except, it is an ordained from Allah.

Thxs Guys....

I feel blessed to be on this rig right now while all these not-so-nice going-on constantly come knocking hard on me. This is yet another encounter of my life records of inconclusive memories…and I’ll take the beautiful ones, leaving the bitter part behind.

 2011 was a year of everything for me. I had the best experience in my life as well as the hardest pain too. Grow older and wiser. Well balanced.

I was born stubborn and it has been running in my veins since I could remember when but with all those unremarkable as well as extraordinary events, I learnt to step back when I need to and to listen tentatively even if I do not agree with what I heard when I have to.

After serving Petroleum Management Unit for less than a year, I decided to take a big jump to be in deep water, with almost zero knowledge. I started fresh but being in the subdivision of admin and management prior has helped me a lot in handling management stuff.

I have traveled across the east coast of the peninsular, Sabah, Sarawak and a few other countries that I’ve been dying to visit. I thank you God for creating this path for me since the very beginning of my career. I know I’ve not done enough but I will enthusiastically learn more for self improvement  so that one day I could be in the best international seat!. Insya Allah.

( Ive always love either summer or winter in Europe and the best memories in my personal shopping history was when I shopped like mad during summer sale in London two years ago and  that made me dropped….) 

“One day, gua nak kawin mat saleh okey tak?” Hahahahha………

Finally I was deployed to work away from homeland commenced Nov last year for more than six months. The usual timenset for me to be working away from home were not more than 2 months. There’s always a first time for everything. It was six months on the rig for deepwater operations. First time to be in Africa and I survived and enjoyed every moment of it.

I have worked with expats on rigs in Mal with majority Malaysians onboard and the feelings were more like being among family, hardly missing home or anything like that. Working abroad with people from other countries, speaking different languages and practicing different cultures and religions we frequently share our different views on almost everything linking to our lifestyle from economics, culture, food, sex and religion (anything we could think of). Work load & expectation were high, great deal with emotion. . I love talking to these people, who are way older than me and call them grandpa and dad, life is all about being happy and having fun. Undoubtedly it broadens my knowledge in various aspects of life.

Grandpa Kurt said, I have a beautiful killer smile….for a lioness (that’s me) who hardly smiled during work I never get that kind of compliment before.  

And here I am again, 22°N 38°E with the same team….

Thxs guys…

Run!...nothing has changed.

It started a few years ago, for answers that you do not know the questions to. Or perhaps it has already stopped, unnoticed as you continuously fall in the same mindless way you did before. Simply because it seems a lot easier to hold up than face the emotional debate you are in now. 

You question yourself at all times, continuously, as if asking the same question in a multitude of different ways which doesn’t make that much of a difference. 

You realize that you can never truly leave your past behind, and that when you least expect it, it will come knocking back on your door. Will you flee these ghosts that come back from years past, bringing back memories that you never thought would cross your mind again? Or will you turn and face your ghosts, straight in the eye? 

You turn around prepared to flee, in that familiar run that you have made again and again, through different tunnels of time, and different places, away from painful memories, repressed so deep down inside bleeding from the past to your current state now. 

"Run!" you whisper. 

Nothing has changed. 

Life will go on as it does

Initially it might hurt unbearably but eventually the pain will become less hurting as I casually extract myself from the present situation. 

No one would really notice if I backed off and excused myself away from him forever. Life will go on, as it does, and plans will continue to be made even without me in his equation, as it has in the past. 

Let weeks turn into months, let months turn into years. If I truly wanted to, it would be easy to disappear into blessed nothingness. 

No more feelings. 

No more hurting. 

No more inadequacy.

Our life would be free from each other as before..... 


Is that what he really wants??                                                             

To friend or unfriend?

There were incidents that made me not to care, not to respond or maybe to unfriend (if necessary) some ‘friends’ I used to care. I don’t need a thousand friends or followers to validate myself. Presently I’m very happy with my life and would rather use all those wasted energy on loving other friends that I never really care before.


 Among all these ‘friends’ I definitely have to give an award to these 4 most memorable ones:

A is a friend on my facebook who not even once bothered to say hi or call me but if I were to call, in the end when I finished my call time, they were all stories about her. Out of the blue, she sent me a pm just to ask if she can borrow my winter clothes. (Err…., hello! habis tu kau nak aku kejung beku. Tau nak travel, buy your own!)

In my defense, this was before I start working and I can only afford 1 winter jacket. But what hurts the most, she kept in touch only to have me hear all about her and only her. (btw it was always me who made the call) and she fb messaged me only when she needs something from me.

B fb messaged me without fail ONLY when she needs to know answers about a guy she likes (love?). She said it was her friend asking despite us knowing that she is involved with that guy but she has the guts to lie straight to my face*book* when I asked if it was her actually the one so eager to know…..  

(To orang yang berkenaan, sorry fb message anda tidak akan dilayan. I’ve given u enough info and you are lying to me dgn selamba badak makes me just plain annoyed and NO, I don’t mind if u x nak kawan dengan I lagi.)

C bila jumpa I ‘boleh tak i nak pesan baju then you hantar kat I’. Pesan mulut je pastu the method of payment tak nak cakap. Ini dah kali k7 tau kau pesan barang…..bayar dengan air liur I dah tak main mula dari sekarang ok.

The no 1 and most memorable person, I have to give it to D. the most provocative and best mind reader I have ever met….. terus memory loss? Tak ingat plak ape aku nak cerita tentang dia……

Heehehehe.....

They are in crystal balls...

It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Many of us are fortunate enough to have friends who are true to type in times of our sorrows, grieves, ups and downs. However sometimes people drop in by surprise and unexpectedly retreat from our lives unknowingly for reasons we try to but don't always understand. These people come into our life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

When someone enters your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you had voiced out. They come to assist in your difficulties, provide guidance and support you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They are godsend, and they are there for reasons you need them to be. 

Later without any offence or at an inconvenient time, this person will say goodbye to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die or simply silently walk away or they misbehaved and in return you are forced to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, desires fulfilled and their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

There are people who come into your life for a SEASON. It’s your turn to share, grow and learn. They bring you an experience of peace, joy and laughter. They may teach you something you have never learnt before. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of pleasure, a great happiness. Their presence is short term... a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons: things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to practice in all other relationships and areas of your life"

I pray that YOU are my LIFETIME but if you aren't, thanks a lot for being there :)

I was in Crystal Creek, sitting under an avocado tree nearly a two weeks ago. The weather was a bit cold since winter is drawing near.It wasn't about the weather or trees or the white ibis or the laughing kookabura i saw without fail every evening but the bond that binds. It really stirred my emotion.. 

I saw tears in their eyes as Isaure, Annick, Ellain and Nat planted a red rose stem on the grave of Tootoo their 10 year old German shepperd which died nearly 6 months ago of a snake bite. He was laid to rest in peace near a slope under a bird of paradise bushy plant.

Small pebbles were arrange very closely to each other near and around where Tootoo was laid to rest as to mark his grave. For a few seconds all four sat still for a silent prayer......

To them, Tootoo is their lifetime friend/relation. He was the guardian of the Berge family since a puppy and grew up together with their three children. But he came home one evening dragging his more than 40kg body weight helplessly with so much pain that you could see through his eyes. That was his third snake bites in his ten years of age that finally took away his life almost instantly. Most probably he was already too old and was ready to go....

When a friend is gone....the memories would remain forever but you could still watch them as if they are in crystal balls.....

Where lies the harmonies.....

Mount Warning and its attendant national park are known as Wollumbin meaning ‘cloud catcher’ in the Bundialung language. I sat calmly exercising my eyes, sighting  Mount Cougals twin peak as the sun set and I often wondered if those stories I heard from the locals has any significant of how I felt while I was there, in the heart of those beautiful valleys between those two mountains. It was said to be a sacred place for the natives once upon a time ago. Mount Cougal represents the feminine energy while Mount Warning the masculine energy.

I felt magnetized as I continually sat gazing the shining stars above and those winkling lights moving towards the west boundaries only to realize it was the lights from moving planes flying towards Coolangata Airport. It is only a 45 minute drive from where I was staying then.

A day before I left Murwillumbah…I met Alain….a ranger from Wollumbin State Forest….

"Everyone's so domestic," he said. "People who have settled into their lives, gotten married, having children and some almost stuck in a rut. " 

What he said reminded me of my younger days, I was so young and passionate and thought I could change the world and the challenges that came with it. I was idealistic and not yet tinged with the cynicism of age and the responsibilities of family. 

For some people being domestic is the closest they get to their happiness and their inner peace. Not everyone is cut out to change the world, and not everyone is interested in doing so.

It's frustrating at the number of people especially intelligent ladies who have so much potential within, but choose to give it up by early marriage and once they do, it's almost as if they're shackled down, trapped in their personal bubble of domestic bliss, oblivious to the fact that there is a world,  passing them by.

"Is, being married and settling down automatically makes people boring?" I ask Alain

"To a lot of them it's a sacrifice of their personal hopes and dreams. It's entirely fair to do that, because it's a personal choice, but I feel as if marriage and children are just a waste for some people - and for others,  - let's just say I don't feel that certain people should get married at all!"

"I'm commitment phobic, so I can't say - but I do believe that having children is something that should be thought through well.  Some people are so focus with family life and they lost interest in other things outside their family."

Whatever makes people happy…….and the heart of these two valleys as believed by the natives is perfect spot for those seeking inner peace as it is the intersection of these feminine and masculine energies in which lies harmonies….