My SIL......

Zoul has only one sister and in a matriarch way of living like his family, my SIL is very much the Steele Magnolia of the family, especially since the passing of my MIL a year ago, SIL is the head of my husband’s side of the family now, literally.

There is Bang Long, Bang Ngah, Bang Teh, Bang Tam, Bang Lang and all of them living in KL. So is SIL, she lives in KL but makes lots of effort to go back to the family home once a month, although the house then seem like a haunted house. She makes arrangement for someone to mend the house and mow the lawn.

She makes sure the orchard is well-maintained, making it easy for everyone to drop by when rambutan, durian, duku, langsat, cempadak seasons are there. She would be the centre contact point, keeping tract of everyone’s well beings, host the get-together hari raya event, kenduri, majlis kahwin, bertunang, cukur jambul and making sure each family is informed on the important dates even when MIL was still around.

She would make the effort to visit sick siblings as well as informing the rest on the recuperating progress. Presently, she is very much looking forward for her daughter’s graduation, her first job and maybe deep in her heart, preparing herself to be a MIL soon, busy filtering interested young men suitable to potentially become her son-in-law.

Zoul is particularly very close to her and he is the apple of her eyes and to her, he is still her little Acu, the youngest brood in her family who looks up to her and ibu (my late MIL) so dearly. It was only five months ago when we were exchanging notes with her on things-to-do and things-to-see in Spain, for her family vacation to Spain end of the year.  SIL was on top of the world then!

It was during L’s kenduri cukur jambul back at the family home, Zoul and I started noticing her drastic changes in her physical appearances, her lack of appetite, weight loss, her paled look and continuous fatigue, which is very puzzling since the only medical concern we know of, is her slight high blood pressure.

It was like an explosive blown on our faces after knowing  that she actually is suffering from kidney cancer of stage 4! Doctor’s verdict, it is incurable and she only has about a year to go! How anyone in this situation feels?

Sad?

Surprised?

Frustrated?

Angry?

Confused?

All of the above!

I never thought I would be watching my husband’s tears streaming down again, so soon after he lost his mother. I can sense it is the exact same feeling. The only difference is that, in SIL’s case he is being pre-warned! I love her very much and she is the only sister I ever have!!  

It is heart-wrecking to watch her crumbles day by day, watching the transformation of a plucky, active, happy go lucky lady to a completely different person to one third of her actual size, bedridden and her teeth starts falling.

How can I look into her eyes, encourage her to fight the sickness and prove the medical specialist is completely wrong each time we are online, when I myself am not sure that she will ever be herself again. There are prayers, Yassin recital I would do daily but what do I say to her who. as doctor calls it, a terminally ill?

May Allah give me, my husband, and the whole family the strengths and guidance we really need in this time of crisis……

Distance and time had seen to it that I can only watch from afar. When I am back in my own home alone I’d watch the vedios again and again and cry silently at my own inability to do more than this…..