Emptiness....

Re-started swimming yesterday....  I felt my life empty

Even when I'm already planning to do my rescue course in 3 weeks' but I still feel as if I am walking in the dark, reaching out to shadows of things and people that used to be there. 
I need to shape up...I need  to exercise 3 times a week for at least 20 minutes but not doing it makes me a hypocrite.

I managed to do 500m yesterday (300m non stop followed by another 200m)...I thought it was a good attempt. Today I did 650m (initial 450m non stop)...

Let's see how far I can push myself (planning to swim daily 1000m non stop)

It is difficult to excite me with anything I do nowadays. I feel so empty. There is a hole in my heart that can never be filled again.

I am not sure if it's because of what happened recently. I am not sure if I am feeling this way because I feel as if nothing I do will ever be enough. I am so close to getting someone to share my life but…

I don't know if I can trust myself or others who claimed to want to know and be with me but maybe what I need is the realization that at least I loved and lost, which which is better than to have never loved…….