Macam rasa tak nak raya…

Ketika diberitahu aku akan berpuasa dan berhari raya di sini, hati mula terasa sedih dan emosi mula terasa bergolak, lebih2 lagi bila dapat email berbunyi "Kesian ko kena raya jauh dari kuarga kan? Cian Billi raya tanpa mamanya"

Ada jugak yg tulis email "abisla ko….., raya nanti nangis2 tak berlagu dan raung2 lagi la ingatkan Billi."

Kepada statement2 tersebut "Takpe, aku redha .. hati aku dah kering dan semakin kering”

 "Takde maknanya aku nak raung2" Kata2 tu memang nyakitkan hati rasa nak sepak terajang jer orang tu.

So here I am into my third day fasting (Tarikh mula berpuasa Jumaat 20/7/2012) and about to celebrate Aidil Fitri away from home kerana tugas. Kenapa aku cakap aku REDHA and aku berHATI KERING. To those yang tau kisah aku yang sering terpaksa berhari raya di perantauan, you will understand me for saying it out loud.

To those yang tak tau, mungkin korang akan rasa aku ni belagak dan sambil bercekak pinggang korang akan kata “Ko tunggu malam raya sok, gerenti   nangis punye". Bunyi memanglah aku agak arrogant.. hati kering bagai….. Mana ade manusia tak nangis kalau raya jauh dari family? Nak lagi kalau kena raya atas rig, masa tengah drilling..  Tapi, apa pun aku redha je dengan suratan takdir yang tertulis utk life aku ni.

Kalau betul aku kena raya atas rig, maknanya tak raya langsung. I'm pretty sure we are the only three Muslim on the rig. So far tengok crew mostly Danish, Swedish, a few Australian, Americans and Germans. I don’t see any local crew. And confirm I'm the only lady onboard the rig. “Limelight on me please” Hahaha. Nangis Britney nengok aku kan kan?

Oh sedikit info pasal penentuan tarikh puasa dan raya di sini. Diorang guna naked eyes untuk skodeng anak bulan, no binocular kalau guna juga nanti tak accurate atau kurang tepat untuk penentuan. Mazhab sini Hanafi ke Hambali tah (tak pasti) tapi diorang skodeng sampai betol2 nmpak anak bulan. Kalau tak nampak jugak sampai midnite, baru diorang declare bila tarikh mula puasa. Leodi dan Mich menunggu hingga lewat tengah malam tapi aku separuh jalan ….da kiok.

Pagi esoknya blur2 puasa ke  tidak puasa ke ni…

Emosi aku macam bad weather. Kejap o.k, kejap k.o. Semalam sebak dada menangis berjam-jam rindu…... Memang la ada kawan (dua org kawan jer yang sama2 dari Mal) yang nak bergurau senda dengan aku dengan soklan2 bodo, "Tahun ni ape agaknya ko rasa raya tanpa Billi,…….." Ntah soklan tu semacam sangat pedih je KURASAKAN..

Yela, this will be my very FIRST time beraya tanpa Billi. I will miss shoppingsakan dan rayasakan dgnnya, main mecum, kira duit raya, pegi open house sama2.

(Puasa2 camnii turun yard yang sungguh panas terik ni memang sangat2 mencabar. Hampir2 je nak terbuka puasa sebab dehydrated gile2.. huhu.. Syukur, Alhamdulillah aku berjaya tamatkan dugaan dengan jayanya! Eh, jaya ke? Emosi asyik nak marah je kat orang tu .. )

Salam Ramadhan dan selamat berpuasa...

Part FOUR

( This was sent to me by Aminuddin Shabidin in respond to my part one post)




SUBUH: Orang yang pertama mengerjakan sembahyang Subuh ialah Nabi Adam a.s., iaitu tatkala baginda keluar dari syurga lalu dihantar ke bumi. Perkara pertama yang dilihatnya ialah kegelapan Dan baginda berasa takut yang amat sangat. Apabila fajar Subuh telah keluar Nabi Adam a.s. Pun bersembahyang dua rakaat. Rakaat pertama :- Bersyukur baginda kerana terlepas dari kegelapan malam. Rakaat kedua :- Bersyukur baginda kerana siang telah menjelma.

ZOHOR: Orang yang pertama mengerjakan sembahyang Zohor ialah Nabi Ibrahim a.s.,iaitu tatkala Allah s.w.t. Telah memerintahkan padanya agar menyembelih anaknya Nabi Ismail a.s. Sedang seruan itu datangnya pada waktu tergelincir matahari, lalu sujudlah Nabi Ibrahim empat rakaat. Rakaat pertama :- Bersyukur bagi penebusan . Rakaat kedua :- Bersyukur kerana dibukakan dukacitanya Dan juga anaknya . Rakaat ketiga :- Bersyukur Dan bermohon akan keredhaan Allah. Rakaat keempat :- Bersyukur kerana korbannya digantikan dengan tebusan kibas.

ASAR: Orang yang pertama mengerjakan sembahyang Asar ialah Nabi Yunus a.s.,tatkala baginda dikeluarkan oleh Allah dari perut ikan nun. Ikan nun telah memuntahkan Nabi Yunus di tepi pantai sedang ketika itu telah masuk waktu Asar. Maka bersyukurlah Nabi Yunus lalu bersembahyang empat rakaat kerana baginda telah diselamatkan oleh Allah daripada 4 kegelapan iaitu: Rakaat pertama :- Kelam dengan kesalahan. Rakaat kedua :- Kelam dengan air laut . Rakaat ketiga :- Kelam dengan malam. Rakaat keempat :- Kelam dengan perut ikan Nun .

MAGHRIB: Orang yang pertama mengerjakan sembahyang Maghrib ialah Nabi Isa a.s.,tatkala baginda dikeluarkan oleh Allah dari kejahilan Dan kebodohan kaumnya, sedang waktu itu telah terbenamnya matahari. Bersyukurlah Nabi Isa lalu bersembahyang tiga rakaat kerana diselamatkan dari kejahilan tersebut, iaitu: Rakaat pertama :- Untuk menafikan ketuhanan selain daripada Allah yang Maha Esa. Rakaat kedua :- Untuk menafikan tuduhan Dan juga tohmahan ke atas ibunya Siti Mariam yang telah dituduh melakukan perbuatan sumbang. Rakaat ketiga :- Untuk meyakinkan kaumnya bahawa Tuhan itu hanya satu iaitu Allah jua, tiada dua atau tiga.

ISYAK: Orang yang pertama mengerjakan sembahyang Isyak ialah Nabi Musa a.s. Pada ketika itu Nabi Musa telah tersesat mencari jalan keluar dari negeri Madyan, sedang dalam dadanya penuh dengan perasaan dukacita. Allah lalu menghilangkan semua perasaan dukacitanya itu pada waktu Isyak yang akhir.Lalu sembahyanglah Nabi Musa empat rakaat sebagai tanda bersyukur. Rakaat pertama :- Dukacita terhadap isterinya. Rakaat kedua :- Dukacita terhadap saudaranya Nabi Harun. Rakaat ketiga :- Dukacita terhadap Firaun. Rakaat keempat :- Dukacita terhadap anak Firaun .

Part THREE

( This was sent to me by Aminuddin Shabidin in respond to my part one post)

Setiap peralihan waktu solat sebenarnya menunjukkan perubahan tenaga alam ini yang boleh diukur dan dicerap melalui perubahan warna alam.

Aku rasa fenomena perubahan warna alam adalah sesuatu yang tidak asing bagi mereka yang terlibat dalam bidang fotografi, betul tak?

Waktu Subuh

Sebagai contoh, pada waktu Subuh alam berada dalam spektrum warna biru muda yang bersamaan dengan frekuensi tiroid yang mempengaruhi sistem metabolisma tubuh.

Jadi warna biru muda atau waktu Subuh mempunyai rahsia berkaitan dengan penawar/rezeki dan komunikasi.

Mereka yang kerap tertinggal waktu Subuhnya ataupun terlewat secara berulang-ulang kali, lama kelamaan akan menghadapi masalah komunikasi dan rezeki.

Ini kerana tenaga alam iaitu biru muda tidak dapat diserap oleh tiroid yang mesti berlaku dalam keadaan roh dan jasad bercantum (keserentakan ruang dan masa) - dalam erti kata lain jaga daripada tidur.

Di sini juga dapat kita cungkil akan rahsia diperintahkan solat di awal waktu.

Bermulanya saja azan Subuh, tenaga alam pada waktu itu berada pada tahap optimum.

Tenaga inilah yang akan diserap oleh tubuh melalui konsep resonan pada waktu rukuk dan sujud.

Jadi mereka yang terlewat Subuhnya sebenar sudah mendapat tenaga yang tidak optimum lagi.

Waktu Zohor

Warna alam seterusnya berubah ke warna hijau (Isyraq & Dhuha) dan kemudian warna kuning menandakan masuknya waktu Zohor.

Spektrum warna pada waktu ini bersamaan dengan frekuensi perut dan hati yang berkaitan dengan sistem penghadaman.

Warna kuning ini mempunyai rahsia yang berkaitan dengan keceriaan.

Jadi mereka yang selalu ketinggalan atau terlewat Zuhurnya berulang-ulang kali dalam hidupnya akan menghadapi masalah di perut dan hilang sifat cerianya. Orang yang tengah sakit perut ceria tak?

Waktu Asar

Kemudian warna alam akan berubah kepada warna oren, iaitu masuknya waktu Asar di mana spektrum warna pada waktu ini bersamaan dengan frekuensi prostat, uterus, ovari dan testis yang merangkumi sistem reproduktif.

Rahsia warna oren ialah kreativiti.

Orang yang kerap tertinggal Asar akan hilang daya kreativitinya dan lebih malang lagi kalau di waktu Asar ni jasad dan roh seseorang ini terpisah (tidur la tu).

Dan jangan lupa, tenaga pada waktu Asar ni amat diperlukan oleh organ-organ reproduktif kita.

Waktu Magrib

Menjelang waktu Maghrib, alam berubah ke warna merah dan di waktu ini kita kerap dinasihatkan oleh orang-orang tua agar tidak berada di luar rumah.

Ini kerana spektrum warna pada waktu ini menghampiri frekuensi jin dan iblis (infra-red) dan ini bermakna jin dan iblis pada waktu ini amat bertenaga kerana mereka resonan dengan alam.

Mereka yang sedang dalam perjalanan juga seelok-eloknya berhenti dahulu pada waktu ini (solat Maghrib dulu la) kerana banyak interferens (pembelauan) berlaku pada waktu ini yang boleh mengelirukan mata kita.

Rahsia waktu Maghrib atau warna merah ialah keyakinan, pada frekuensi otot, saraf dan tulang.

Waktu Isyak

Apabila masuk waktu Isyak, alam berubah ke warna Indigo dan seterusnya memasuki fasa Kegelapan.

Waktu Isyak ini menyimpan rahsia ketenteraman dan kedamaian di mana frekuensinya bersamaan dengan sistem kawalan otak.

Mereka yang kerap ketinggalan Isyaknya akan selalu berada dalam kegelisahan.

Alam sekarang berada dalam Kegelapan dan sebetulnya, inilah waktu tidur dalam Islam.

Tidur pada waktu ini dipanggil tidur delta di mana keseluruhan sistem tubuh berada dalam kerehatan.

Was it about me.....? 

Finally I made it for three and a half months out of six since Nov last year until April this year. Never thought I would be stationed in a desert for that long in my life. Well, to others who have stayed there permanently, three and a half months is just a short period of time. Me? Remember? that was my first assignment on an African land and I'd been working non-stop throughout that six months period. No weekend, no off days, nothing, even after I came back each time from offshore, I was not allowed to have a break either….

 I SURVIVED!

I was working like the donkeys in town…. exceeding beyond my normal working limit and I was like being driven and nailed to the wall…seriously I feel like killing my boss or at least, a donkey. I even looked  like  a retarded monster.

Then I was on leave for a bit less than two months and now I’m assigned back here for another working period of six months. No more desert life I hope in between offshore this time round..

My assessment is scheduled in less than a week and I have yet to study. I feel like I’m being   sandwhiched in between two big boulders (preparing reading materials for the assessment and work). Problems is whenever I start reading, I'll end up snoring! I even fall asleep in the lounge (which never happened before).

It was Leodi who repeatedly tapping my shoulders that made me jumped wide eyed. All eyes were on me…..Pairs of blue, greenish, light and dark brown eyes were all on me!!. I gave them a sheepish grin while picking up a book I was reading ealier and quietly walked out from the lounge.  I heard a  murmur just as I was about to turn my back.There must be more than ten bewildered men in there.

Since he was speaking in Swedish I can’t figured what he was  saying.

Was it about me?

Here Comes The Lioness.....

Of all the times for a boat trip, why does it need to be at the crack of dawn? 5am!!!!!, Only half of my head will be there. I idly got up and my head suddenly  tilted a bit to the back fighting the sleepiness, I hurriedly got dressed, gobbled the breakfast pack as I made my way to the deck. I was struggling to keep my eyes open and my fingers tightened across my wide opened yawning mouth .

I dragged my gear alongside as I stumbled a few steps ahead. When I reached the deck there were already several guys in different coloured coveralls, Some continuing their slumber on the benches, some slowly munching on their breakfast packs, some chain smoking, some staring into nothingness.

I always felt out of place, always the only female in a bright yellow jumpsuit. I was always the first to check in, reporting my attendance and crossing the rickety board up the waiting crew boat and as I threw my gaze out to the open sea I had a feeling that this will be a rough ride.

Since I was the first to be on the crew boat, I made my way to the interior, got myself the front seat. Roughly more than 50 men can be transported at any one trip, and we’d only number up to 20 for this one. I stretched myself over a row of seats into slumberland. The other guys never bothered me as I was always seen together with two of my Mal male colleagues here.

It takes about a few minutes  before we hit the open sea, and  the soft rocking of the boat enticed me to close my eyes and  slipped into dreamland.

The sudden jerk of the boat jolted me back to reality. Dazed and dizzy, I looked out through the windows and lo and behold the sea looked mad! I felt like a lost bottle, bobbing furiously any which way the sea takes me. The breakfast that was downed hurriedly, inched dangerously up my esophagus, wanting to escape.

Oh boy, this is going to be a long, long ride.

As I tried to settle myself back to sleep again, I heard someone threw up. There goes one! I thought to myself. Again I concentrated on sleep, ignoring the sharp throbs in my forehead. After a while, the rocking of the boat made me go back to dreamland and I  literally see in the eye of my mind the boat was turning back to shore at record speed.

A few taps on my shoulders brought me back to reality. It was only a dream! And there before us is the huge rig looming, magnificent in its girth, dwarfing the crew boat we were in. The familiar grind and roaring of the machineries greeted us as the boat pulled along side the rig. Standing proud on the rig’s side is the platform where the wells are waiting for us to baby them.

I was wabbling like a duck to the open back of the boat, and saw the rig workers preparing to receive us. Transfer basket hooked onto the crane’s hook, safety officer ready to direct us up to the briefing room and the rig hands ready to ‘catch’ us if we prematurely land before the transfer basket. Thank God! I waved and smiled back to the familiar faces up on the rig. Nothing can rock the daylight out of this rig.

Someone hurriedly rushed and dived into a toilet unloading his stomach contents. Trying my best to ignore the sounds coming from the loo, I dragged my bags and gears to the waiting transfer basket and proceeded to board it with three other guys. We donned the work vest passed to us and hooked ourselves onto the basket.

Despite doing this quite a few times, that moment when we’re air borne my knees turned into jellylike and I had to will myself to stay still as we soar above the watery gap between the crew boat and the rig. I dare not looked below me, darkened and the waves were roaring angrily...

I thank God for His mercy as we landed safely on the tender’s deck.

And so starts another shift of being the lioness among the guys here.     

Part TWO.....

(This is written by Hisham Amzah in respond to my Part One post)

it's all about taqwa....

Kebanyakan orang tidak faham apa sebenarnya taqwa. Walaupun istilah taqwa selalu disebut tetapi ilmu tentang taqwa tidak pernah diajar... Jalan untuk mendapatkan taqwa tidak pernah diberitahu. Syarat-syarat dan rukun-rukun taqwa juga tidak pernah dinyatakan. Orang sudah lali dengan per­ kataan taqwa. Sesetengah orang menganggap perkataan taqwa itu sudah tidak ada erti apa-apa lagi kerana kebanyakan orang tidak faham. Sebab itu, setiap kali disuruh bertaqwa, orang tidak bertaqwa. Disebut Ittaqullah, ‘bertaqwalah kamu kepada Allah’, namun orang tidak bertaqwa juga. Walhal suruhan supaya bertaqwa itu disebut dalam setiap khutbah sembahyang Jumaat kerana ia adalah rukun khutbah. Kalau tidak disebut taqwa, tidak sah sembahyang Jumaat walaupun sembahyang khusyuk. Tetapi walaupun selalu disebut, orang tidak faham. Ia tidak jadi ilmu, ia tidak jadi amalan dan pegangan, jauh sekali untuk dihayati. Oleh itu macam mana hendak jadi orang yang bertaqwa. Taqwa bukan setakat melaksanakan perintah dan meninggalkan larangan. Bukan setakat menunai ketaatan dan menjauhkan kemaksiatan. Bukan setakat membuat apa yang disuruh dan meninggalkan apa yang dilarang. Bukan juga setakat meninggalkan apa yang haram dan menunaikan apa yang fardhu. Bukan setakat menjauhkan yang syirik dengan beramal dan taat kepada Allah. Bukan setakat menjauhkan diri dari segala apa yang akan menjauhkan diri kita daripada Allah. Bukan setakat menghadkan diri kepada yang halal sahaja dan bukan setakat beramal untuk menjuruskan ketaatan kepada Allah sematamata. Inilah kupasan dan kefahaman tentang taqwa yang dibawa oleh para ustaz, para muallim, orang yang hafaz Quran dan Hadis bahkan juga para mufti dan kadhi. Taqwa itu tersangat dipermudahkan sehingga orang tidak merasakan bahawa taqwa itu penting dan perlu diperjuangkan demi untuk mendapat keselamatan di dunia dan Akhirat. Maksud taqwa sebenarnya lebih dalam dan lebih luas dari itu. Taqwa adalah antara perkara yang terpokok dalam agama. Orang membuat apa yang disuruh dan meninggalkan apa yang dilarang atau orang menunaikan ketaatan dan menjauhkan kemaksiatan, tidak semestinya berasaskan taqwa. Mereka taat mungkin kerana ada sebab-sebab lain. Mungkin mahu upah, mahu dipuji, mahu pengaruh atau untuk mengambil hati orang. Mereka meninggalkan apa yang dilarang pun mungkin ada sebab-sebab lain. Mungkin kerana mahu dihormati, mahu menjaga nama dan kedudukan, takut dihukum, takut orang mengata dan menghina atau takut dipulaukan orang.

Untuk menjadi orang yang bertaqwa ertinya menjadi orang yang berada dalam perlindungan Tuhan atau dalam peme­ liharaan Tuhan. Orang yang berada dalam benteng dan kubu Tuhan. Dia selamat dari serangan luar. Serangan luar tidak lut dan tidak mengenai dirinya. Orang bertaqwa itu seolah-olah telah dipakaikan baju besi atau jaket kalis peluru. Taqwa adalah pakaian jasad batin atau roh. Ia adalah amalan jiwa atau roh. Taqwa adalah perkara dalaman dan banyak me­ libatkan amalan hati. Kalau sungguh-sungguh diamalkan dan dihayati, akan lahir sifat-sifat mahmudah seperti jujur, adil, benar, berkasih sayang, lemah lembut, pemurah, tawadhuk, pemalu, bertimbang rasa, berperikemanusiaan, sabar, redha, tawakal, bertolak ansur, mengutamakan orang lain, pemaaf, amanah, tekun, rajin, lapang dada, bekerjasama, simpati, belas kasihan dan sebagainya. Orang yang bertaqwa adalah orang yang luar biasa. Sebab dia manusia yang sudah bersifat malaikat. Sifat malaikat sudah ada dalam dirinya. Dia sudah jadi orang Tuhan. Sebab itulah dia dibantu dan dibela oleh Tuhan. Orang bertaqwa sahaja yang akan selamat di dunia dan di Akhirat...


* All the praises and thanks be to Allah, the Lord of the 'Âlamîn (mankind, jinn and all that exists).

Part One.....

For these past few days my being were back to the time when I was a little girl. Gathering up old memories, looking at old photos, digging up occurrence, camera-eyed on millions of how I was brought up. I must admit that being born as Muslim, I had not really focus much attention or study further on the teaching of Islam. I remember myself obediently act in accordance of what was told. I don’t really question why I had to do that and not do this. And I was constantly reminded if I am sinned I will be burnt in hell otherwise I will be a queen in Paradise.

In fact, there were times when I can’t really recall the 6 articles of faith (Iman), or probably get myself confused with the 5 pillars of Islam.

But now after being a typical Muslim for the past 28 years, I’ve started to realize HERE when Muslim are minority and the majority start questioning why SHOULD I DO THESE AND THAT and why can’t I do these and that, it is not enough by me answering “I followed them as in accordance to the teaching of Al-Quran and Sunnah”. It’s not mind challenging enough for most of them.

And the way we (org Melayu) live now to some extent are strongly based on cultural and traditional Malay belief which is so much influence by Hinduism which most of us  are aware of and gone were the days of the Malays saying “Biar mati anak jangan mati adat”. 

This post is going to be a little bit BOLD as I had never write a post that link with  any kind of religious belief before. Please get yourself prepared with what I will write because some might be offended, some might even label me MURTAD or even ask me to “mengucap semula”. I truly welcome your opinion and correct me if I am wrong.

The first time I khatam Al-Quran, when I was ten and my grandparents were like invited the whole village folks to this khatam ceremony held together with my elder brother but I must admit I didn’t even understand what I was reading in mastered “tajwid”.

And since then I helped the ustazah with those who are still struggling with the Mukaddam reading (many of them were older than me). But when I start living away from my family I never managed to finish reading the whole Quran. I always have gaps and I would just start reading it again from the beginning. So it never ends! Two years ago, I bought the translation of the Quran, the “tafsir” since I realized I don’t really understand what was written in the Quran because I don’t understand Arabic. I would like to learn the content of Al-Quran and how it could benefit me now and my life after.

Reading Quran is similar to cleaning the heart  from any spiritual sickness. It’s a purification process to human, Muslim in particular.

As much as I agree that reading Quran will make us feel closer to God but reading or probably reciting the Quran alone is not enough. Comparatively, it’s like completing reading the whole chapter of the Engineering Handbook without really understanding the content.

For instance, if I design a well (oil or gas), I must know the right calculation and prediction for the pressures of the formation and the fracture gradients expected before I can simply set my casing point. So, if I do not understand the whole pore pressure prediction process, how can I design a well that will not collapse nor burst and definitely will not be another Macondo well? (the B* well that raptured… **the Deepwater Horizon case). Similarly, how can you understand what Quran is trying to tell if you don’t really understand Arabic?

I’m slowly reading the tafsir. (not actually DIRECT translations). Most of the“tafsirs” are the interpretations of the translations. The words are translated in English and there will be more interpretations attached to each verse. The question here, who did the translations and who did the interpretations? Does it exactly reflect the exact meaning of the “verses”? 

During my schooldays I remembered during Kefahaman Bahasa Melayu (Comprehension) where we have to find “isi tersirat” in each sentence and different students would give different meanings to it. Then who can actually say our understanding and our interpretation is correct or wrong? Who can deny what we think or view? One must always remember that each of us sees things from different angle and we definitely have different views and opinions. Agree?

These make me realize that all four Mazhabs are based on interpretation. I’m curious. Why is Shafie deemed better than the other three, Hanbali, Maliki and Hanafi? And how did we arrive to the decision that Shafie is the one that we must follow, in Malaysia?  Can I follow Maliki, if I think it’s the best mazhab based on my reading, understanding, interpretation and views? Would that make me less a Muslim? Would my family or friends see me as weird and disown me?

It is better for me to fully understand Islam in whole. That is what I intend to do, research, obviously based on the Quran and Sunnah, rather than listening to what people think or the Majlis Fatwa thinks, or what Malays think. And most importantly, God is one, regardless of what Mazhab we follow, it all goes back to worship the one and only God.

Ya Allah....Guide us to the straight way......The Way of those on whom You have bestowed Your Grace, not (the way) of those who earned Your Anger (such as the Jews), nor of those who went astray (such as the Christians).

Amin. 

Are You a Muslim?

 
Oh yeah, we do curse a lot here. But it doesn't mean anything for offshore community like us. Our sentence sounded defective without the F-word. (Bak kata orang Melayu…ayat yang tidak cukup perisa). There’s this saying, “Whoever works in oil & gas industry will go to hell. We cursed too much” 

 NO, I told them “We wont go to f-ing hell just because we f-ing swear too much here. I don't really    f-ing think so”  Hahahahahaha………….  that sounds  soooo f-ing offshore!

I bet your jaws are dropping by now…. Those remarks came from a guy during an orientation session when I first met him eight months ago.  Majority here are non-Muslims. We do have a few Muslims, mostly Indonesians working as stewards and we don’t really work or spend time with stewards since our job mostly are on the rig floor.

I was in the driller’s cabin when a guy asked me about my faith/religion. Since I don’t wear Hijab to prove I am a Muslim woman and it is common belief to associate Muslims ladies with Hijab and he wonders a lot about me. YES, I’m a Muslim and he asked if I go to pray when I’m on the rig. Again YES I do, five times a day.

Where? When? Do I go to pray? Five times a day?  I have to stop work for 5 freaking times a day during work? To them it seems like I am carrying a big burden on my shoulder. “Freaking” is simply a word I choose to describe their reaction.A nasty remark from Dad Christ, if I were a Mud Engineer, I won’t be able to perform my 5 times a day since I will be in the lab at all times.

 I told him, it doesn’t take much time to perform a prayer but it takes a longer time for me to pee or poo. And that 5 times is in within 24 hours not as they thought which are to be done only during day time.

This rig is equipped with a Prayer Room. But, no I don’t use the Prayer Room. Previously I stayed with another lady (Helen) who worked on day shift with me. So it’s not a problem for me to go back to my cabin and pray. But when we had full POB (full bed) and Helen was moved to another room which she has to share with another lady who refused to share room with a man, Helen and I had to split. I ended up having a male roommate but fret not, we work on different shift. Until today, I have no idea who the guy is because we have not met since I came. That’s how it is here. You go out of the room from 6am to 6pm and the other person starts working from 6pm to 6am. You are not allowed to go back to your cabin as it will disturb your roommate’s sleep.

Gdad asked, why should I be fasting for the whole freaking month without even drinking or eating. (Since Ramadhan is in two weeks) What was the purpose of fasting. I must admit I’m not really that pious or knowledgeable enough but I manage to satisfy him with good answers. (Terperasan good la pulak)

Most of them here do not embrace in any religion but they do believe in God. And it is a tragedy for them to miss drinking beer daily. I'm pretty sure one day they will ask me what is the reason for me to pray in all 5x/day  and  why is the time fixed at near-dawn, after sun's noon, afternoon, sunset and nightfall?

For now I don't have any answer yet except, it is an ordained from Allah.

Thxs Guys....

I feel blessed to be on this rig right now while all these not-so-nice going-on constantly come knocking hard on me. This is yet another encounter of my life records of inconclusive memories…and I’ll take the beautiful ones, leaving the bitter part behind.

 2011 was a year of everything for me. I had the best experience in my life as well as the hardest pain too. Grow older and wiser. Well balanced.

I was born stubborn and it has been running in my veins since I could remember when but with all those unremarkable as well as extraordinary events, I learnt to step back when I need to and to listen tentatively even if I do not agree with what I heard when I have to.

After serving Petroleum Management Unit for less than a year, I decided to take a big jump to be in deep water, with almost zero knowledge. I started fresh but being in the subdivision of admin and management prior has helped me a lot in handling management stuff.

I have traveled across the east coast of the peninsular, Sabah, Sarawak and a few other countries that I’ve been dying to visit. I thank you God for creating this path for me since the very beginning of my career. I know I’ve not done enough but I will enthusiastically learn more for self improvement  so that one day I could be in the best international seat!. Insya Allah.

( Ive always love either summer or winter in Europe and the best memories in my personal shopping history was when I shopped like mad during summer sale in London two years ago and  that made me dropped….) 

“One day, gua nak kawin mat saleh okey tak?” Hahahahha………

Finally I was deployed to work away from homeland commenced Nov last year for more than six months. The usual timenset for me to be working away from home were not more than 2 months. There’s always a first time for everything. It was six months on the rig for deepwater operations. First time to be in Africa and I survived and enjoyed every moment of it.

I have worked with expats on rigs in Mal with majority Malaysians onboard and the feelings were more like being among family, hardly missing home or anything like that. Working abroad with people from other countries, speaking different languages and practicing different cultures and religions we frequently share our different views on almost everything linking to our lifestyle from economics, culture, food, sex and religion (anything we could think of). Work load & expectation were high, great deal with emotion. . I love talking to these people, who are way older than me and call them grandpa and dad, life is all about being happy and having fun. Undoubtedly it broadens my knowledge in various aspects of life.

Grandpa Kurt said, I have a beautiful killer smile….for a lioness (that’s me) who hardly smiled during work I never get that kind of compliment before.  

And here I am again, 22°N 38°E with the same team….

Thxs guys…

Run!...nothing has changed.

It started a few years ago, for answers that you do not know the questions to. Or perhaps it has already stopped, unnoticed as you continuously fall in the same mindless way you did before. Simply because it seems a lot easier to hold up than face the emotional debate you are in now. 

You question yourself at all times, continuously, as if asking the same question in a multitude of different ways which doesn’t make that much of a difference. 

You realize that you can never truly leave your past behind, and that when you least expect it, it will come knocking back on your door. Will you flee these ghosts that come back from years past, bringing back memories that you never thought would cross your mind again? Or will you turn and face your ghosts, straight in the eye? 

You turn around prepared to flee, in that familiar run that you have made again and again, through different tunnels of time, and different places, away from painful memories, repressed so deep down inside bleeding from the past to your current state now. 

"Run!" you whisper. 

Nothing has changed. 

Life will go on as it does

Initially it might hurt unbearably but eventually the pain will become less hurting as I casually extract myself from the present situation. 

No one would really notice if I backed off and excused myself away from him forever. Life will go on, as it does, and plans will continue to be made even without me in his equation, as it has in the past. 

Let weeks turn into months, let months turn into years. If I truly wanted to, it would be easy to disappear into blessed nothingness. 

No more feelings. 

No more hurting. 

No more inadequacy.

Our life would be free from each other as before..... 


Is that what he really wants??                                                             

To friend or unfriend?

There were incidents that made me not to care, not to respond or maybe to unfriend (if necessary) some ‘friends’ I used to care. I don’t need a thousand friends or followers to validate myself. Presently I’m very happy with my life and would rather use all those wasted energy on loving other friends that I never really care before.


 Among all these ‘friends’ I definitely have to give an award to these 4 most memorable ones:

A is a friend on my facebook who not even once bothered to say hi or call me but if I were to call, in the end when I finished my call time, they were all stories about her. Out of the blue, she sent me a pm just to ask if she can borrow my winter clothes. (Err…., hello! habis tu kau nak aku kejung beku. Tau nak travel, buy your own!)

In my defense, this was before I start working and I can only afford 1 winter jacket. But what hurts the most, she kept in touch only to have me hear all about her and only her. (btw it was always me who made the call) and she fb messaged me only when she needs something from me.

B fb messaged me without fail ONLY when she needs to know answers about a guy she likes (love?). She said it was her friend asking despite us knowing that she is involved with that guy but she has the guts to lie straight to my face*book* when I asked if it was her actually the one so eager to know…..  

(To orang yang berkenaan, sorry fb message anda tidak akan dilayan. I’ve given u enough info and you are lying to me dgn selamba badak makes me just plain annoyed and NO, I don’t mind if u x nak kawan dengan I lagi.)

C bila jumpa I ‘boleh tak i nak pesan baju then you hantar kat I’. Pesan mulut je pastu the method of payment tak nak cakap. Ini dah kali k7 tau kau pesan barang…..bayar dengan air liur I dah tak main mula dari sekarang ok.

The no 1 and most memorable person, I have to give it to D. the most provocative and best mind reader I have ever met….. terus memory loss? Tak ingat plak ape aku nak cerita tentang dia……

Heehehehe.....