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The whole day today that was taxing my mental, physic and spirit.

It came back blurry…..

2.00 am got a call from my bro in law…..Ibu suffered shortness of breath and in a critical condition in a private hospital in KT. I packed immediately, tossed everything into the boot, hauled the kids from their rooms and strapped them to the back seats and away we went straight to KT. I was speeding like a bullet train accompanied by a collection of rock music at full blast volume to keep me awake.

6.00am…. I reached the hospital. Ibu was under life support basically unconscious since warded. Droves of closed family members were already there. BIL played host at the waiting room.

 6.30am…..Her heart rate increases a bit, so we prayed she would open her eyes soon. I decided to check in Sri Malaysia so that the kids and I could have a good sleep. Their daddy arrived at the hospital an hour after we left.

9.00 am…. I continue to sleep hugging my tummy and begging God the Almighty…..kids mama gonna have a busy day ahead. Puteri and Putera were out for breakfast with their dad and off to the hospital.

2.00 pm…. Received THE call. Alfatihah bu. Rushed helter skelter to SIL’s house.  (ahli keluarga sedang mandikan jenazah) and in time for the solat. Papa too just arrived from KL.

4.00 pm….. burial. I stayed back.

8.00pm….We did tahlil, the first of the three nights.  We estimated 200 people. There were more than 300 that came for the tahlil. Needless to say, we have a food shortage since we use the catering service for tahlil.

Our celebrity chef from Perak took over for a stretch of added menu of canned tuna, egg curry, rice, fried veges, salted eggs all in the spot. Some even went back tak makan. Rezeki arwah ibu, ramai yang datang nak tahlil untuk dia.

Ayah’s unshed tears kill me inside. I’m in a dilemma now….should I drive to KLCC with a heavy heart for Igem tomorrow?

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"How old Min"

Last week, I went for a meeting on behalf of my boss (husband). In the boardroom there were six of us. The chairman, suddenly and unusually, startled us by asking us Muslims to offer a short prayer and recite Al Fatihah for the passing of one member’s son recently.

I asked then, “How old, Min?

She looked straight into my eyes and said “He was eight”

I felt my heart shattered watching her with all her calmness in admitting and explaining in detail to us how it all started with a fever, later common strep, went viral attacking the brain which then leads him into a coma with ADAMs. (In non medical term which is quite similar to meningitis, but not the same).

I valiantly kept back my tears. I am a mom, any such heart breaking news as this would instantly trigger an exceptionally detailed simulation with “what if this happened to Sarah or Billi”  Tried acting very professional, we continued with the subject in hand.

I can’t help myself stealing glances at her and wondered what is on her mind right then. She successfully portrayed that seemly cool exterior. No matter how much glitter she was wearing on her hands and ears can’t absolutely mask the hurt she must have felt deep in her heart. If it was me, I don’t think I would be able to function much even after a year or more.

Life must go on. Wept for the loss, but always continue to love and cherish what we now have.

There are other souls depending on you.

I never meant to mock you....

I created one fb account mainly to find a friend, an old friend but in the cause of doing so I gained more new friends and a few more old friends into the list and with old friends we managed to catch up anything we left behind years ago besides gossiping.

Of course I stalk a few (consistently of three teenagers a boy and two girls) but suddenly I started not to get notifications, got a few headaches namely cat fights and stuffs like that, over-stalking, over-reacting, not to mention the time I spent on it, chewed my precious time of which I should have been spending on something more beneficial (with putera and puteri) and now what?!

I lost all my picture albums and my patience is wearing thin.

The last straw, I lost the trust of someone who means the world to me. My bad, my fault , I am quoting him “forgiving someone is easy but being able to trust them again is totally a different story”.

There goes...

I know, I was never courteous but I definitely knew how to, when the situation needs me to be one. I was brought up with good values too and I shed all of my courtesy when the situation forces me to do so.

I will never give you the definite definition to define me. You can never scrutinize me as being a this or a that because I'll change and manipulate every minute of the chance I got.  I have an alter ego and you CAN NEVER KNOW WHO I REALLY AM. NEVER.

I am never to be understood. The more you attempted to, the more you got tangled in your own web of curiosity. I preferred to be hidden.  I do not like my alter ego being revealed or discovered. IF you do not want to get hurt, get to know me from the outside only. I am simply what you see I am.  

Please, my alter ego needs privacy too.

And I never meant to mock you.

Andai ku bisa....

Writing has been my passion, the solace I used to seek when I find myself drowning in a tide of troubles /sadness and misery that come knocking unexpectedly.

I have been spilling out all my inside, venting every bit of my anger on the net, how could I ever forget there exists such place of which I could write.

A page for me to write which does not have feelings like human does. It does not have humane flaws and above all, it doesn't judge.

"Andai kan ku bisa lebih adil, pada cinta kau dan dia"

Of two passions?

How do I put this into words.  Let's just say….. stars too, do collide in their aligned manner in the constellation. Fate and destiny too, are not spared.

This has to be the toughest decision; Ever!

People come and go, Nina…..

are you flying ?

There are few questions that might be asked when you check-in before boarding. These following questions could be used as guide when packing and getting ready to travel by air.

Common questions airline personnel might ask you when you check in are as follows:

a) Are these your bags and did you pack them yourself?
Reason: If you admit these bags are yours and declared that you pack them yourself , indirectly it means that every single item in the bags are yours.

b) Are these bags always been in your possession since you packed them?
Reason: We should all be worried about our own bags. Let say if you go to the toilet, where do you leave the bags? If you not careful, someone in your absence might take advantage to put you in trouble by putting in illegal stuff without your knowledge!

c) Do you know the contents of your own bags?
Reason: It is to caution you that if you had left your bag unattended earlier, there are possibilities your bags been tampered.

d) Are you carrying anything for anyone else?
Reason: Did you watch Bridget Jones Diary when she was caught at the security/immigration for carrying dopes ? It wasn’t hers but her girlfriend’s but since it was in her possession, it is considered as her belonging. Make sure you know what you  carry in your bags

e) Is there any flammable or dangerous items in your bags such as lighter or matches?
Reason: You are allowed to carry these items but it  must be with you i.e. in your jeans/trousers pockets. These items fall into the list of Dangerous Goods Regulation. They could cause spontaneous combustion. If collecting match boxes is part of your hobby (matches provided in hotel rooms where you been staying), for safety reason, these items are not allowed to be checked in or kept in your hand luggage. It might start a fire even if you think it is safe for it to be in your luggage!!

f) Do you have any liquid, aerosol or gel items in containers more than 100ml in your hand luggage?
Reason: Under the Liquid, Aerosol, Gel requirements for international travels, you are not allowed to bring more than 100ml content. At the security check, the security officers will ask you to throw it in the bin. You might have an expensive bottle of lotion or hair gel in your hand luggage. And this would be a waste if you are asked to throw it.

g) Do you have any sharp items such as knife-like objects, scissors and equivalent in your hand luggage?
Reason: These items will be confiscated at the security check. What I personally experienced, the officers were curious when they saw my usb thumbdrive (my trip to Africa) maybe they have not seen that before and they held me for about half an hour for clarification.

Some airlines would ask all of these questions and some would ask few question upon checking in.
We should all be more concern and aware of the safety and security of travelling by air. It is different from travelling by road.

Being 30,000 feet above, we would want to arrive safe  and avoid hassle at the security check and I hope the tips would be a help.

'hate mail'

I usually am affected by insults and criticism but of late I will auto- switch insults into opportunities for me to improve myself. Those comments somehow made me realized how imperfect I am in the eyes of others. 

No matter what is said and done I choose to turn the other cheek, because that is what princesses like me love doing. I am not allowing anyone to pull me down.

"Tears of pain, tears of joy

One thing nothing can destroy

Is our pride, deep inside

We are one."

(The Lion King 2 - We Are One)

I can only please a person a day and I choose to please myself..........everyday.

And yesterday I got an anonymous 'hate mail'.( if I could call it such.)

Quoted: "Yo sister ko boley turunkan ego dan stop berasa diri ko terhebat di dunia. 

A piece of advice, don’t give people a reason to hate you. 

This is from someone who once respected you.."

To the anonymous, if you're reading this, thank you.. 

Thanks, for ruining my mood and appetite. 

Thanks for making me feel like crying and giving me the perfect reason to go back home for the night. 

Thanks for giving me the reason to treat myself to two slices of Chocolate Molten cake. 

Thanks for giving me the reason to glue myself in the library. 

Thanks for showing me who my true friends are. 

Thanks for being honest, although not completely honest. 

And thanks a lot, for pointing out my flaws.

I'm not perfect and there're still lots I need to improve on. 

I know, I have a high ego, a bad temper and I can be a pain in the ass all times.

But I'm improving....

I have hurt people around me in real and virtual. 

I'm truly sorry. It was purely unintentional. I would never want to hurt ANYONE. 

If I have offended  ANYONE with my words, my actions or my attitude I'm truly sorry.

To my dear Anonymous (I've lost count to how many of you out there), thank you for the 'constant reminders'. I am so blessed to have you in my circle.

Peace no war

*I hope u r happier Am

Thanks readers....

My journey to become who I am now was full of hurdles and bumpy as I go around every turn and corners. I had people criticizing every decision I made, pulling me downhill most of the time. But the support and encouragement that I got from my closest friends and family have been keeping me strong and I could walk my life held my head high. 

Their support is the strength I needed to pursue most of my dreams. They helped me realized my passion, exerting strength I needed to strive to achieve my goals. 

Without them, I would be nowhere and I would't be here at all.

I had always imagined my whole life as vast as the oceans spreading miles and miles into the unknown. Watching millions species of fish and other aquatic organisms which are still unknown of their existence to us.

My dream since I was little is to catch the biggest fish in the ocean. To achieve, I know, I would need - a sturdy fishing rod, a strong fishing line, and a good bait. 

This is an analogy of my life. My supportive family members act as the rod, giving me support and encouragement, whereas my friends become the line, helping me to reach far beyond my dreams. The bait, on the other hand, represents the effort and hard work that I need to put in to achieve my goals.

This blog is a major breakthrough for me in my dream to become a famous writer. Since I am thinking of taking a sixteen months break from my engineering work I wish to write more often here.

Thanks readers....whoever you are..